Two Blue Soupbowls
by Sarah2570
Summary: Natasha, Steve and Sam are underground post the events of Civil War still engaging in missions, fighting off terrorist groups dealing with Chitauri remnants while simultaneously trying to find an equilibrium in their own lives. Steve and Natasha confront their demons together and finally allow themselves to live a life they truly deserve. Romanogers/CapWidow. Set pre Infinity War.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Dushanbe, Tajikistan.

The mission had gone a bit awry. The base in Tajikistan was a lot much stronger than all the other ones, both regarding the number of soldiers and concerning weapons. Their weapons seemed much more technologically enhanced, which was definitely a result of using Chitauri remains and combining their strengths to eliminate the weaknesses of their older makeshift ones.

Their plan was strategic, yet simple. Steve and Sam would engage and cause a significant distraction while Natasha would secretly enter the chamber, find the primary source of their Chitauri weapons, extract any vital information about their sellers or other areas which are invested in similar trade and lastly, destroy all evidence.

Things had started going wrong when both Steve and Sam were overburdened with a considerable number of men, and Natasha was taking a bit longer than she usually did. The chamber was much more diversified and had quite many protective layers, which she had to tediously tear down. She too had to engage in combat with many guards down there and that also, without raising an alarm.

Finally reaching her goal, she found the room where the core component was present. Swiftly entering without gathering any attention she did a quick survey of their research lab, ensuring that it was empty, she started getting down to the dirty work: backing up the hard drive while simultaneously, she began working on disengaging the core.

Halfway through the hard drive and while still struggling with the alien tech. Natasha turned on her comm piece and decided to check in Steve and Sam, whom she hadn't gotten any news tell now. Strange, she thought.

"Guys I'm halfway through. You two holding up okay?" Natasha asked through her comm, without letting the slight worry she felt, at the moment, creep into her voice.

Steve didn't carry his shield anymore and Sam was particularly running low on armor. And even though she knew that Steve Rogers was Captain America not because of his shield or fancy uniform but simply because of his innate goodness and will to save the whole goddamn planet, each and every single time, no matter what it cost him; that was precisely why she was worried. Steve never watched his back, which for her meant that that job was precisely left for Sam and her.

After a long moment's wait, Natasha finally heard Steve's breathless, strained voice back.

"Nat we're…kind of a little…outnumbered here," he choked out through grunts and groans, some his and some of his opponent's.

"That barely covers it," came Sam's huffed voice. "They're beating the shit out of us here."

Natasha didn't need to be told twice. She could easily figure it that the enhanced technology that she saw around her was something her teammates were currently fighting through above her.

"Well you kind of deserve it though, but don't worry. I'm gonna come and grab some limelight," she responded cockily, while quickly winding up with the hard drive.

"Seriously? After everything I've done for you?" Sam mocked, almost making Natasha snicker.

The Chitauri tech was still alien to her, so without wasting any more time she decided to blow it up. Securing the drive, she snuck out a time bomb from her utility belt, hastily set it up and started off in the opposite direction, towards the entrance.

 _One minute tops_ , she told herself and even though the corridors were extensively branched and confusing, she didn't miss a beat, remembering the route perfectly; she was the Black Widow for crying out loud.

In precisely the 57 seconds she reached her destination, sprinting as hard as she could, behind her the entire compound completely blowing up, the impact of which effectively throwing her ahead, making her gain the attention of each and every single one on the field.

"That ought to do it," Natasha grunted, getting up. She was definitely in the limelight now, being almost instantaneously swarmed by men. Without even blinking she snatched one of the enhanced rifles by jabbing the soldier right in front of her straight in the gut, she soon started reducing the numbers by shooting them down with their own weapon.

Now with the three of them together, all they had to do was wipe out the reminiscent of the soldiers and just escape and even though they were a formidable trio, it wasn't just as easy; it never is.

* * *

The battle had been fatiguing. And that was an understatement. Sam had gotten shot twice in his right leg, as a result of which both Steve and Natasha had to jump right in front of him to protect him and to continue fighting as well. Sam was definitely the most injured but he was not the only one for sure.

Steve had almost gotten stabbed in the shoulder and was just saved in the nick of the moment by a very deft Natasha, who effortlessly dislocated the man's arm making him howl in pain. But as a result of which, in the end, she too sported a tiny but deep-rooted cut on the edge of her lip, which was bleeding profusely and her consecutive strikes and movements causing the blood to smear all over.

After they had gotten each and every one of them, Steve and Natasha carried an almost unconscious Sam to the Quinjet with nearly none of his cooperation.

The Quinjet was a travel tool for superhero's like the Avengers, so it was natural that it had emergency equipment and first aid kits that would suffice their superhero-sized requirements whether the Avengers were still a team or not.

Once inside, Steve quickly turned the engine, set up the coordinates and put the jet on auto-pilot while Natasha immediately started tending to Sam's wounds. It was essential to get out of there fast and not attract any more attention. Once the jet was stable, he hurried back to her for any assistance.

"How's he doing?" He asked her while she was hooking Sam up to an IV.

"Luckily, the bullets from both the wounds haven't penetrated too deep. There is blood loss but it's nothing too extensive," she replied, without looking up, not missing a beat. In short, the wounds were something that Natasha could efficiently treat. And even though both of them had been top-ranking Shield agents for quite some time, Natasha was a little better than Steve in these medical things. She'd known quite a lot about battle wounds since she was very small, most of which she'd learned first hand, from her own experiences. She had to master the art of survival to become the Black Widow.

After examining the wound thoroughly, she got all the forceps required to undertake the small surgery. It was a tedious task that required a high degree of precision, but soon Natasha, along with Steve's help got both the bullets out.

She did everything perfectly – right from applying pressure, to pulling out the bullets, giving the anesthetics and finally cleaning and bandaging it after the stitches.

Steve was almost in awe of her assiduousness, how she could stay so calm and composed when she was working with so much precision was something he could never really get over. He, of course, tried to help as much as he could, passing her the instruments as an when required.

At last, it was finally done. Sam was dead asleep due to the drugs. Natasha sighed, taking a seat. Now that she was out of her automatic mode, she could feel everything catching up to her. She was dirty, tired and bleeding; a combination she was way too familiar with. Steve got two bottles of water and sitting beside her, passed her one.

She looked up at him, his presence saying much more than anything at the moment. They were both exhausted in ways that weighed much more than their physical injuries.

After a couple of minutes, Steve went back to piloting. They were about to land in some time and the weather was a bit stormy outside. Natasha closed her eyes for a few moments, letting her mind drift.

The past few months had been…difficult. The entire chaos over the accords and the Avengers splitting up weren't particularly easy things to deal with. The only thing Natasha wanted was for them to stick together, as a team, but she clearly failed, once again; that was made pretty significant in her last conversation with Tony.

 _Tony walked away, clearly upset after his conversation with Vision, his former A.I and turning his head, there he saw her, Natasha Romanoff, the one who he had come to trust wholeheartedly, she had always been his ally and even though he was so mad at her, the expression she donned was enough to make him want to talk to her. She shared his concern for Rhodey._

 _Both of them stood at the edge of the balcony, facing the vast row of trees and the field. Natasha had her arms crossed, and Tony held the glass edge with one hand, his other one being placed in a cast._

 _"The doctors say he shattered L4 through S1. Extreme laceration in the spinal cord. Probably looking at some form of paralysis." He stated in a matter of factly tone, not letting his emotional state overpower him._

 _"Steve's not gonna stop. If you don't either, Rhodey's gonna be the best case scenario." She told him earnestly, remembering Steve's determination._

 _"You let them go, Nat."_

 _"We played this wrong."_

 _"'We?'" He snickered, "boy, it must be hard to shake the whole double agent thing, huh?" Natasha's eyes widened a little at that, she was almost startled. "Sticks in the DNA," Tony stated coldly, clearly letting his anger get a hold of him._

 _"Are you incapable of letting go of your ego for one goddamn second?" Her words made him look away._

 _"T'Challa told Ross what you did, so… they're coming for you."_

 _"I'm not the one that needs to watch their back," and she left him there with those words._

 _She knew that Tony was mad at what happened to Rhodey. She was prepared for some backlash but what he said hurt her. It startled her for a very brief moment, almost catching her off guard. Calling her a double agent was one thing but saying that it sticks in the DNA was taking it to a whole new level. It wasn't just a jab at her; it was a personal attack. She couldn't help but think about her parents. The two people she had longed to meet ever since but whom she didn't even have a single memory of. She wondered if he actually understood what those words meant to her._

 _Natasha Romanoff had been hurt in many ways, ways more than he could even imagine, physical, emotional, psychological but it still pricked a tiny bit every time someone she trusted hurt her._

Before her thoughts could go any further, she was interrupted by a semi anxious Steve.

"Nat I could use a bit of help here," he said, breaking her chain of deep thought. She joined him in the front, knowing it was landing time.

There was a severe dust storm in their area of landing and Steve was still not that confident with flying, but more then anything, he knew that she was lost in a chain of thought or a memory that wasn't particularly pleasing, her discomfort was almost palpable to him.

He'd known her for about six years now. He had learned a lot of things about her, some of which, even unknown to her. He was one of the very few people who had the chance of seeing the actual Natasha, even if just in glimpses, but he had seen her, raw, vulnerable. He understood her in ways she couldn't even possibly imagine.

Taking a seat beside him and getting a hold of the controls, she teased him, "You know, there's no ice around here Rogers."

"You think I need ice to crash this thing?" He retorted with a smirk, effectively making her chuckle.

Inside, Steve somehow felt content, successfully lightening the atmosphere after the extremely tiring day. Natasha too felt better…lighter after the intense battle and her own draining thoughts.

* * *

Sam, Natasha and Steve had been staying is a deserted safe house on the outskirts. The house was old and rusty, but they were still glad to find a place after living in the Quinjet for quite some time. They did have some good friends in Shield back in the day and even though all of them were ex – Shield agents now, they still had their sources.

After carrying a still unconscious Sam inside and settling him, both of Steve and Natasha finally decided it was time to clean up and tend to their own wounds.

The house was pretty small but decent enough. It had a living room, kitchen and small dining area along with thre decent enough rooms, with only one having a washroom with a working shower. The floor upstairs had a tiny room without a bed which was mostly like a storeroom, filled with cartons.

"You're gonna have to stitch that up," Steve said, looking at the tiny but deep-rooted laceration at the edge of her mouth which Natasha had been completely indifferent to.

"I know. But first, I need a shower. Dibs," she said, walking opposite the room they'd just settled Sam in, towards the one with the working shower.

"Huh?" He asked, confused, easily giving her another opportunity to tease him.

She stopped and turned around. "I'm sorry Steve. I forgot you're like a hundred," Natasha said, in a sly tone.

He shook his head and sighed, then looking right back at her, he grumpily stated, "I'm ninety-eight."

Natasha snickered, turning around and walking away, "Respect the elderly!" She loudly mocked, leaving Steve with an amused look on his face.

Steve couldn't help but remember how much Natasha annoyed him back when they were both Shield agents and also when they were training new recruits at the compound, so how could he be spared now?

She set him up on dates with strangers, which were mostly Shield agents, even when he particularly stated that he was not interested. A couple of which went so bad that she teases him about them to date. There were times she, along with Clint or Tony, pranked him and then for at least a week they would laugh at him for falling for something so stupid. Her sarcasm and dry sense of humor, were things that Steve was way too familiar with, not sparing any bit of his 1920s mannerisms.

He had a ton of such memories, but remembering these things, he also realized that the two of them, they had a habit of sticking together, even when everyone else drifted. They were partners and teammates, but without realizing, through their foundation of friendship, they had found comfort in one other that gave them a compelling reason not to leave, even when nothing made sense, at least they had each other to talk through it; always having each other's backs and that too not just on the field, outside of it also.

While Natasha was taking her shower and Sam was dead asleep, Steve decided to get the first aid kit for them from the large black footlocker in the Quinjet. He started setting things up and began cleaning his wounds. Though there was nothing major, he'd still gotten a couple of gashes and bruises and one particularly bad scrape on his back.

Natasha came out dressed in a spaghetti and shorts with her vanilla blonde hair dripping wet. She saw Steve sitting on the bed with his vest lifted up slightly, facing her opposite side, struggling to clean the wound on his back. She nodded her head and chuckled inwardly; Steve was the definition of innocence for her. She felt content that he waited for her here than in some other creepy corner of the house.

"That doesn't look so good," she said, walking towards him, breaking the silence.

Steve stopped and turned around. He opened his mouth to respond with a witty remark, but when he saw her face, he paused, almost shocked. The bleeding still hadn't stopped and it looked even worse than before.

"Have you even seen your face?"

She smiled softly, her heart melting a little at the concern laced in his voice.

"As a matter of fact, no, there's no mirror here, remember?" Natasha said, shrugging unbothered. The only mirror in the house had been broken a few days back due to the heavy wind and tremors of the storm.

Sitting right beside him, she took the cotton gauze and antiseptic from his hand. "Here, turn around. Let me help you," she said patting his shoulder.

Steve, still fixed to his spot, responded with an annoyed sigh. "You look like you could do with a little help yourself Natasha."

Before she could say anything else, he raised his hand, softly touching the cut, half expecting her to flinch but she didn't. She trusted him enough to follow him to the ends of the world; this was nothing. And he somehow felt it, her trust, agreeing with his, by that raw expression in her eyes and her unmoving demeanor.

"I hope it's not infected," he said, breaking the eye contact and blinking out of that enigmatic emotion, continuing to scrutinize the wound carefully.

"It's not." She got up and lifting the first aid kit off the ground, climbed on the bed and took her place behind him. Slowly, she raised his vest a little further and started tending to his wound.

"Sam's going to take time to heal, isn't he?" Steve asked her, staring at a crack on the wall in front of him, ignoring the burn from the antiseptic.

"A few weeks at least. But now were anyway left with very few bases, which also happen to be the major ones. We can call in Wanda maybe?" She asked, almost finishing up.

"Yeah. After today, I guess that is a good idea," Steve said.

"Besides, you're right. I could do with a little help," Natasha said, getting up with the dirty bandages and used supplies to discard them off.

Not missing a beat, Steve understood what she meant perfectly. "There's no mirror here," he repeated, looking up at her.

Nodding her head in agreement, she came back to her spot beside him.

"Don't worry. It's gonna be fun," she said slyly, addressing the look on his face.

The combination of that puckish look along with those words made Steve gulp. His mind instantly went back to the Chitauri battle in New York when Natasha had stated 'it's gonna be fun' and then jumped off his shield, onto the Chitauri chariot-like flying vehicle. She scared the shit out of him back then. He wondered what he'd make her feel now.

For, Natasha Romanoff's definition of fun was very different than everyone else's, and Steve had already had a good experience of that.

* * *

 **A/N : Hey guys! So this is my first time attempting something like this so please cut me some slack if its not that good. I've been wanting to write since forever but school doesn't really let you breathe. Please leave a review and let me know whatever you think and thank you so much for your time!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Natasha had just finished giving Steve a brief demo, and though he did know advanced first aid and a few things about stitching, he hadn't ever really done it before.

He was a bit agitated because he knew this was serious, a little mistake and he could cause her permanent tissue damage or at least a nasty infection. Natasha, on the other hand, was rather amused by his nervousness. She couldn't be scared by this; also she knew that Steve would never hurt her purposely.

For Steve, it was almost overwhelming to see the level of confidence she had in him, that bewildering feeling was back.

He had to do this, _sooner rather than later_ , he told himself.

Taking in a deep breath, he started, following her instructions to the best of his ability. Starting from cleaning the wound, sterilizing the instruments and finally, he picked up the surgical scissors and thread, bringing it closer to the edge of her lip.

After each and every tiny stitch, he'd look up at her eyes, and she'd simply blink, answering his silent question of 'are you okay?'

It was a tedious and tricky process and Steve struggled with the final knot a few times before finally getting it through. The stitching part was done. Now, he just had to clean up after cutting the thread.

Raising the scissor to cut the additional thread, still concentrating hard, Steve mumbled, "shit. That was hard," referring to the stitching process.

Natasha responded with a soft, almost inaudible, "language."

He instinctively and unknowingly grasped the side of her face with his left hand securely, getting a firm grip of her jaw. "Nat, don't move," he almost chided her.

The sudden contact of skin caught her off guard. She didn't show it though and Steve was too involved to see it anyway. She looked at him, his eyes, his expression, full of resolve, determination and dedication, utterly guileless. She felt his firm hold on her, his big, strong hands, keeping her in place, keeping her safe, even from her own self.

Natasha had the unique privilege of seeing a resolved Steve many times; whether it was burning down Hydra or kicking Ultron's ass. She'd seen him fight for Bucky, his best friend, who he'd give almost any god damn thing in the world to get back.

His sincerity was something she had always adored and now, sitting right in front of him, this close, she could see the exact same heartfelt emotion in his eyes, but this time, it was for her. Suddenly, she felt strange, like all if a sudden, she mattered.

She had been grabbed and restrained many times, but she'd never been held this securely by someone, especially, for something so trivial.

These were moments that Natasha would keep with her forever if she could. This sensation to her, was an insight into feeling secure, something she'd never really understood, up until now. This warm and fuzzy feeling, made her want to pass up on everything and just stay there, like that.

Finally, cutting the additional thread with just as much precision, Steve exhaled a breath he was holding, for god knows how long.

Their eyes met for a brief second. Natasha could see an ounce of relief mixed with an emotion she couldn't really understand at that moment, in Steve's baby blue eyes. At this stage she was almost awed by it.

Steve, blushed a little, becoming aware of the way he held her, he gradually released his hold on her and applied the antiseptic after which he bandaged it gently.

"Done," he said, finally finishing up, and all Natasha could do was give him a small smile.  
Inside, she felt a little empty at the loss of his touch, her mind was still struggling to fully comprehend what had just happened and more importantly why did she react the way she did.

* * *

Steve had found some canned soup, which he right now was preparing, while Natasha, after cleaning the rest of the tiny scrapes and bruises, went to check on Sam. He was doing okay but was still pretty much knocked out.

She came back and sat on the couch in the living area which was right in front of the kitchen, waiting for him. It was a two-seater couch, a pretty big one though, and it could easily fit both the tired Avengers. It was extremely comfortable, anything would be, after living off on the Quinjet for a long time and it was definitely better than the horrible mattress of the beds in the rooms.

She sighed and easily nestled into it, using the armrest as her back support, putting her legs up, she bent her knees, resting her head on the back of the couch. Natasha was lost in deep thought. She cozily occupied her spot, leaving the other one for Steve, even though there was a single couch lying right beside this one. They'd both prefer the closeness, they always did, without even really realizing it.

He drew out a pair of two beautiful, glossy mediterranean sea blue ceramic soup bowls. They were the prettiest pieces of crockery present in that dingy kitchen and right from the beginning, Steve completely adored them, he wondered if they had had a special significance for the family that lived in the house earlier. They had a pretty streak of white criss-cross lines hand-painted, even the sea blue background was done by hand which made them even more precious. The rims of both the bowls were yellow, giving a soothing but personalized framework to them.

The authenticity that had come from the absence of perfection and precision, the proof of humanness came from the lack of symmetry of those lines, neither was the width of each one equal, neither the pattern matched a hundred percent between the two bowls, but still, they were unimaginably beguiling. It reminded him of the ocean, the rim's yellow reflected the sun and the white criss-cross to him, represented the waves. It was a breathtaking experience, encompassing the ocean between his two hands. It was an almost daunting yet liberating in so many ways.

* * *

Carrying the two bowls of soup, he walked towards her, Steve could see that she wasn't just tired, she was way beyond exhausted. The past couple of months had been…rough and he knew that to let him go at the hangar, she'd have to face consequences. Although he knew that she was more than capable of handling herself, he could figure out that she'd broken Tony's trust to let him go. And he also knew that it wasn't something she was particularly keen on doing, especially because she was short on it. Trust.

Natasha had been labeled time and time again and she was really trying her best to be someone who could be seen without scepticism. He knew her well enough to know all of that and he could easily decipher that it was a great price she paid to let him go; losing friends, failing at her intent to keep them together, as a team and being labeled as a criminal. Though he still couldn't entirely put together why she did it. Not that he wasn't grateful to her for doing it, he just was perplexed as to why.

Handing her a bowl, he occupied the space she'd left for him, crossing his legs on the table in front, he leaned back, sighing into the couch's coziness and closing his eyes for a brief moment, he realized just how much he had missed this – spending time with Natasha, only the two of them.

Their late light conversations, which turned the nights into mornings so quickly, their sparring matches, and how involved they'd get sometimes. They were partners for a long time, but very quickly they started sharing a bond of an intimate friendship. They'd done many missions together, saved lives, fought aliens and insane A.I's but most of all, they had saved each other, not just physically, which they'd done a lot, but in ways only people who dearly care about each other do. Being there for one another; their unspoken communication was palpable not just on the field, but in the way that they looked at each other. Most of their teammates being aware of this, the both of them almost always were paired for missions, whether it was combat or extraction, they always ended up getting the most done as a team.

He was there for her when Bruce left and she was there for him when Peggy died, even though they were in the middle of the accords. They weren't just giving each other strength, they were keeping each other alive, being so used to finding a home in one other.

Now, since they'd gone undercover their schedule had been too busy with mostly living off the Quinjet, staying under the radar and continually engaging in missions against terrorist groups which were dealing in Chitauri remains, using them to enhance their makeshift ones.

It had been quite some time since Natasha and Steve had gotten a chance to just sit and talk. And now, after cleaning their wounds, settling down Sam and making sure everything else was fine, they finally had that opportunity. Finally.

Taking in a spoonful, he looked at her, she too like him was lost in thought, staring into space.

Finally, breaking the silence, Steve said, "you know, this kind of reminds me of the time when we were undercover and we went to Sam's place," waiting for her to break out of her daydream and when she did look up at him, he added, "the food was a lot better though."

She smiled briefly, but it wasn't one that reached up to her eyes.

Steve was right. The situation was pretty similar but not just because of the fact that they'd been through a day of crazy explosions, they were undercover, and also he was in his vest and Natasha's hair were slightly wet, but because he just knew that they're going to have a long, meaningful conversation, something both of them were in need of.

"What's going on?" He asked, repeating exactly the same question he'd asked her that time at Sam's house, with the same concern, tenderness and sincerity, pushing her off the edge, once again. She smiled, this time genuinely, rolling her eyes a little.

"You aren't mad at me," Natasha stated, not looking directly at him, in a flat tone, it was a statement rather than a question, because she knew he wasn't mad at her but she still couldn't fully understand why.

Steve, who was looking right at her, could easily read her distress behind that declaration. At this stage, he understood right away what she was talking about but at the same moment he also realized just how much this had been eating her up.

"Hey," he said, placing his hand on her knee, effectively getting her to look at him, breaking the chain of her self-deprecating thoughts, the ones that made her feel this way.

Not breaking eye contact, he continued, "The accords, they were a choice, Natasha. Different for everyone, cause it was a choice made on the basis of our past experiences; the things that we've gone through. That's what defines right and wrong, doesn't it?" he paused, giving her a chance to voice a disagreement, though knowing that she couldn't agree more.

"Tony felt guilty for Ultron and that's why he was so keen on the system to keep us 'in check.' I couldn't let anything like the Shield/Hydra fiasco happen again. I come from a time where there was either black or white and now, there's just-"

"Grey," she said, completing him and nodding her head understanding.

"For you Nat, you believed that we have some accountability for everything that has happened, and we have to accept that, and then find a way to work within the system, so that the Avengers aren't disbanded. You were the first one to ask Ross the consequences if we don't agree," he went on.

"Wow. Uh…yeah," she was impressed at how much he understood her and in a way, he laid it out better than she ever could.

"I wasn't strongly attracted to the Accords personally, but I knew how the system worked. I thought that if we don't accept, what comes along next could be worse," Natasha said, remembering how she wasn't personally involved in forming her opinion, otherwise after Shield, she too wouldn't readily choose this system.

"I understand. And you know maybe I would've signed too, especially when Tony told me there would be safeguards, but he threw me off the edge again with confining Wanda in the compound. And with everything that was going on, losing Peggy all over again and Bucky, I… just couldn't let him go, Nat."

She gazed at him with compassion filled in her eyes. She understood the compulsive need in Steve to protect Bucky; he was all Steve had after Peggy that reminded him of his past life, he was the last thread.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she responded.

"Why'd you let me go?" He asked softly, taking her back to their interaction at the hangar.

 _Running fast along with Bucky, getting through the collapsing tower just in the nick of time, Steve saw her, walking towards them._

 _"You're not gonna stop."_

 _"You know I can't," he said solemnly, tilting his head slightly, trying to convey the subtle obviousness in his tone. He'd expect her to understand the severity in his need to get out of there at that moment and, understand she did._

 _In a split second Natasha realized he was right, she knew he couldn't stop because he genuinely believed that he was needed elsewhere and he would go to any extent to get there. She knew Steve's determination well enough to put that together rather quickly._

 _She could see T'Challa coming up from behind, and without even letting her know, her protectiveness for him kicked in, and almost instantaneously, she knew what she had to do._

 _Sighing, Natasha raised her hand, and without breaking eye contact with him, she aimed her Widow Bites at Steve. "I'm gonna regret this," she stated, and for however brief a moment, Steve actually believed she was going to shoot him, dejection and desperation visible in his eyes, he held his breath._

 _She swiftly shifted her aim at T'Challa and the Bite whizzed past Steve and hit him perfectly at the spot she'd aimed for generating a startled cry of pain from him, effectively shocking all three of the men in front of her._

 _Both Steve and Bucky spun their heads back, stunned. For she had easily created the illusion that she was going for Steve, fooling T'Challa and while Bucky stared back at T'Challa, still astonished at his presence and what Natasha had just done, Steve turned back at her, amazed. He almost felt a little guilty for doubting her, even if it was just for a mere second._

 _"Go," she said, keeping her hand steady, ready to shoot him again._

 _And all he could do before running towards their jet was give her a single nod of acknowledgment, one that conveyed a lot more than any word of gratitude._

 _Continuing, along with Bucky at his side, Steve didn't even have the need turn back once. His faith in Natasha made him believe wholeheartedly that she would take care of him and that they would take off safely._

 _Natasha had just switched sides; she wasn't just letting them go, she was helping them. He knew that there would be consequences she'd have to face because of what she'd just done for him and he also knew that she'd handle that situation seamlessly._

 _The contentedness that surged in him couldn't be put into words. The fact that they had this extraordinary understanding; he once again felt proud of trusting her with his life cause whenever he did need her – whether it was Peggy's death, where she held him and comforted him, not leaving him alone, or it was something like this, she'd always have his back, no matter what. They didn't have to be on the same team, agreeing on everything to be on the same page, whenever it was necessary._

Steve could see that she was lost in deep thought. He remembered the incident too, but his mind couldn't help but waver off, concentrating more on what those consequences were that she had to face.

"Natasha?" He very gently brought her back from the flashback.

She almost drowned in the compassionate sea of his deep baby blue eyes and all she could say was, "you worked those eyes on me, Rogers," earning a chuckle from him. She felt a little at ease by that and when he met her eyes again, he almost felt overwhelmed by the intensity of an incomprehensible emotion that her eyes screamed, it was a mixture of pain and relief, obviousness and obliviousness, it was as if she knew all too well and nothing all together, she had a compelling reason to do what she did, one that the waves brought to her, but she couldn't fathom that ocean yet.

After a rather long moment of silence, but before Steve could question her again, she answered.

"I could see the…determination on your face. You were right, I knew you wouldn't stop."

"But you _could've_ stopped me. You know that Nat."

Steve knew that Natasha chose to help them, and especially with T'Challa coming from behind, sneaking up on them, unannounced, they could've held him and Bucky down till the others joined them.

"I know. I…" She hesitated, looking down at her hands, she exhaled loudly.

"Seeing you standing there with that look, I realized that you really believed that you don't have another choice, that you were needed elsewhere and I trust your judgment too Steve," her voice taken over by an undisguised emotion.

Suddenly she felt strange, realizing what she'd just said to him was an admission to her own self too because, in her mind, Natasha had never really questioned why she did it. People were surprised by her actions(Tony, T'Challa, Ross), but she wasn't. She hadn't ever given any of them an explanation as to why she did it because she just didn't feel the need to justify her self; not when she truly believed that she did the right thing.

Steve patiently waited for her to go on. He was a little awed by her honest confession.

"And…as you said, I chose the Accords because I was being pragmatic, but um…I don't know after Shield, my loyalties weren't towards a country or a cause but towards…" Her voice trailed off, and Natasha looked up at him once again, with a vulnerability that was filled with strength and resolve.

"…my friends. And no, I didn't regret it," she stated, with a tiny but heartfelt smile, knowing that this was something he'd want to hear, but he just couldn't ask.

Raising his eyebrows a little, he questioned, "You didn't?"

"Not for a second."

"You know Steve, the definition of legal changed and from the Avengers, we became vigilantes, yet nothing's really changed. We're still doing the same god damn thing. Our lifestyle was a lot better though," she said the last line almost chuckling.

Steve too smiled, looking around. And even though the compound was definitely more luxurious, he was glad that they could still have conversations like these. No matter which part of the world they were in.

"And you thought, I was mad at you?" He smirked. He knew that there was a deeper root to this conversation, though most of it contended the both of them, there was something still lingering there.

"I knew you weren't. I just couldn't fully understand why. Things have been really different after everything that's happened, you know? And I just…I wanted to make sure that we're okay," she said softly, leaning her head further into the couch.

Steve had told her about what happened between him and Tony, why they weren't on speaking terms, Zemo, Bucky and all of the other parts that she'd missed out, early on when Natasha had just joined him and Sam for their underground missions, but they didn't really talk about things that took place between them, and though they were still pretty comfortable in each others presence, joking around, teasing each other, fighting beside one other, having each others back, there was this curiousness that was there. They just hadn't gotten the time to sit and talk like this so much while they were living off of the Quinjet.

Their insecurities had always been perceptible and transparent to each other. She didn't really need a reason for conversations like these, neither did he, but it still helped in understanding each other better.

"Nat, I should be th-"

"Don't," she nodded her head in disapproval.

"You've saved me too many times. And not just on the field," she said solemnly. She never felt like she did him a favor, whatever she did came from her heart, her instinct.

"You've saved me too…" He particularly remembered the car ride with Jasper Sitwell when Bucky had attacked them, brainwashed, once again by Hydra. How Natasha had dodged a bullet herself and then jumped right ahead saving both Steve and Sam simultaneously from ones frightfully and precisely aimed at them, in a total of less than 3 seconds, and that too by the 'Soviet slug, no rifling,' as she had once described his aim.

"But you believed in me, Steve, when Fury specifically told you not to trust anyone, when not long ago I lied to you on the Lemurian Star, when you barely knew me; that too just as an assassin, a mercenary. I know my reputation. Trust me," she finished in bitter jest.

"You and your reputation are two very different things." She snickered at that, not agreeing one bit.

"I've gotten the precious opportunity to see you Natasha…the real you, behind the façade you put up. And you're right, I've heard that you're a spy, but I've seen you as so much more. I still can't forget how you were ready to get blown up on that rock during Ultron, you've always taken the most dangerous missions at Shield just cause you didn't want anyone else to get hurt, that too to such an extent that they started believing that you were 'comfortable with everything.'" He remembered Fury's description.

"But you know what the best part is?" Steve went on, "after all this and so much more, you still don't give yourself any credit. You save people Nat, _that's who you really are_. You were there for me, over all these years. And even though we were polar opposites in a lot of ways, we shared this…this foundation of similarity which bounds us. We know what loss is Natasha, whether it's by choice or chance and I can't afford to lose you," his eyes penetrated through her soft, subtle green ones, converging with a fervor emotion, one so strong, that it shattered all her insecurities at that moment, making her see how he honestly felt, while unknowingly reflecting her own sentiments.

It was an almost daunting experience, especially to someone like Natasha, who was so used to being in control of the situation. Her heartfelt emotions had always been an unbeknownst territory to her, one she was too scared to explore somehow; until now.

Steve could see right through her, and this time, she didn't need to feel exposed.

* * *

 **A/N: Hey guys! I hope you like this chapter cause I've really worked hard on this one. Also, I wanna mention this again that I am relatively new to writing so I'd really appreciate some more feedback, including criticisms, that is. Please, if you're interested in reading further, motivate me with some reviews. After all, feedback is my food right now :P. Thank you so much for your time, I really appreciate it!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 **Continued…**

It had always been Clint and his family that was the closest thing to Natasha before, but very easily Steve joined the list, and soon she realized that she was willing to give up her life to keep up his trust. She looked at him, the whole of him, his bare arms covered with scrapes and bruises, his hair, tousled and messy, but slightly longer than before. His face, though tired, donning the underground look with the light stubble that he was growing, but his eyes, glimmering with the same tenderness and compassion, made her feel at home.

Both the two people she cared about the most, her relationships with them weren't as fragile. The unassertiveness she felt due to the Accords fiasco was gladly terminated.

Natasha's chain of thought was broken when Steve leaned in towards her and, with his thumb, he gently wiped out the trail of tears that had escaped her eyes without her even realizing. She was startled by the warmth of his hand mixed with the wetness of her tears; she tried blinking a few times harshly to prevent more tears from falling, but his compassionate look wasn't helping at all.

"You've gotta stop with that look or I'm gonna drown you in my tears," she threatened him, laughing softly, trying to normalize the heaviness in her voice.

He chuckled softly leaning back, and though the weather outside was getting stormy again, it was pretty calming inside for the two of them.

"We've come a long way, haven't we? Since those Shield days," Natasha said, after a moment.

"Yeah. I miss it sometimes. How things used to be back at the compound."

"You mean Tony's crazy parties, everyone constantly teasing you about being an old slowpoke, and the dates I set you up on in between crazy life-threatening team bonding situations we called 'missions?'" she smirked.

"Damn," he sighed, dropping his head and but instantly realizing what's about to happen next he turned back at her. "Don't," he stated cockily, raising his eyebrows. But he could not prolong the inevitable.

"Language," Natasha sweetly chided him with a very satisfied and proud glint in her eyes. "Some things, like you Steve, never really get old."

The conversation easily changed its route, and from intensity and insecurities, they moved on to funny old incidents and embarrassing memories.

"You remember when I set you up with Kristen? Who throughout the meal was literally drooling over you."

"And then she got offended when I left; also, I didn't really laugh at her attempt at humor, which, to be fairly honest, I didn't quite understand at all."

"Not your fault. She always starts to babble when she's extremely excited, but you did break her heart you know? She thought that the both of you were meant to be together; instead, when she went to the bathroom, you texted me to get you out of there."

"And do you remember what you actually did?" He asked her with a pointed look.

 _Natasha was at the compound, chilling in her room with a good book and some wine. When suddenly her phone vibrated._

 _'Nat? Can you help me get out of here?'_

 _She chuckled at that, almost feeling a little bad for Steve but very quickly, all that was replaced with a devilish grin, a mischievous plan had cropped up in her head._

 _Natasha drove to the fancy restaurant and rushed to their secluded table frantically, "Steve, everyone got drunk at the tower. Banner hulked out and is currently beating the shit out of Tony who had lost a bet against Barton in a dart competition and had to dress up as Loki as a consequence. He called Banner a 'dull creature' while indulging in his character. When Thor walked in, he too like the Hulk, actually believed Tony to be his brother and started smashing the flying pieces of his Ironman suit which Tony had been calling out, with his Mjolnir, shouting, 'I'm not going to let you fool me this time brother,' all while Clint hysterically continued to record."_

"You said all of that with a straight face and I wasn't even sure if you were acting or not for a moment," Steve said remembering the incident.

 _"Uhh…I apologize Kristen. I…have to go," Steve could barely speak, following the spectacular performance Natasha had just given._

 _"Um…sure," was all Kristen could say before Natasha dragged an utterly embarrassed and somewhat confused Steve outside, leaving poor Kristen all by herself in there._

 _Once in her car, he was thoroughly annoyed and could hold it in no longer. "What the hell is wrong with you? I told you to help me get out of there, not scare the shit out of her and leave her all by herself in there."_

 _"First of all she wasn't scared, she was um…bewildered, and second of all, she's a Shield agent, you don't need to drop her to her doorstep and kiss her goodnight, Rogers."_

 _"I…that's not what I mean. Damn it, Romanoff."_

 _"It sounded pretty believable, right? I'm sure you too fell for it."_

 _"I'm never going to listen to you again. Why do you set me up on these dates anyway? I've told you I'm not interested like a billion times."_

 _"Jeez. Relax. I was bored okay?"_

 _"Next time you can just ask me to juggle or something okay," his voice full of sarcasm._

 _"I'll consider it if you can balance on the unicycle simultaneously."_

 _"Nat!" He almost whined, making her laugh, once again at his expense._

"She was expecting a call or at least a text you know? Like apologizing," Natasha snickered.

"That was all your fault. You wanted to get back at me cause I beat you at beer pong."

"Yeah right. That was a lucky shot."

"Whatever. You're such a sore loser. Every time you lost a sparring match you used to get grumpy and mope around like a 5-year-old dressed in an angry bird costume."

"Wow Rogers, I'm surprised you finally know what an angry bird is. I remember a certain someone telling Sam that they played a crazy game called something like 'lunatic pigs' and that he should try it too," she mimicked his excitement and expressions.

"You and Sam teased me for like a week," he almost pouted, which made Natasha want to stop troubling him and give him a huge bear hug, but he was just too fun to mess with.

"Whose grumpy now, huh?"

"You almost broke Clint's neck when he irritated you about losing at arm wrestling."

"I did not," she huffed in denial. "I just pinned him down."

"Right," he rolled his eyes.

They continued with the gentle teasing and the reminiscing about the good old days. It was pretty astounding how they could easily transform the conversation so efficiently. This level of accessibility they had with one other was built from long hours of fighting, not just on the field, but fighting off each other's nightmares and insecurities too.

For a brief period both of them were silent, lost in their own thoughts, and when Steve finally turned his head towards her, Natasha was fast asleep.

It was quite an adorable sight for him, his partner, the Black Widow, was huddled into a tiny ball on a couch beside him, and she looked so young, her face devoid of any emotion, consumed in tranquility. Steve stared at her for a moment, wondering how she must be as a child, with her red hair and soft, subtle green eyes, talkative and lively, cute as a button, but instantly he remembered that Natasha didn't have a childhood, not even a glimpse of what that precious time should feel like. That innocence was brutally snatched from her tiny, uncalloused hands, making space for guns and weapons. It pained him to imagine her as a little girl after that. His heart swelled with a growing urge to protect her.

He couldn't help but think what kind of strength it took for her to go on, despite everything she's gone through. And then he realized that this was one of the things he adored about her, that no matter what, she would never give up; never stop. Never stop protecting people, fighting for them, doing what is right, what is meant to be done, even when it meant giving up at a shot of a normalacity, maybe the one and only opportunity she believed she had at that moment. A life, home, and safety. Someone she thought could accept her. It was tempting. But she too, just like Steve, had a bound urge in her to put others first, it was only that her selflessness was never considered over her reputation as a deadly assassin, one she had earned when she didn't have a choice. But she didn't care. She didn't need recognition to do what she was meant to do.

He loved watching her sleep, not that he would ever tell her, and he had had the opportunity a few times before. He'd always get lost in deep thoughts like these after which getting a little emotional was unavoidable. The sight, the purity on her face was just too much for him, getting to him each and every single time.

 _Stop it, will you?_

Taking in a deep breath, Steve quickly but quietly got up, going into the room to grab a shawl. Though it wasn't particularly cold, he knew it would be more comfortable for Natasha as her hair were still a little damp and it was kind of windy outside.

Natasha hadn't moved an inch when he returned with the cozy warm cloth. He gently covered her with it, assuming his position back beside her. And even though he knew that he could easily go inside and sleep on the bed, there was something much more soothing in here.

Steve leaned back, resting his legs on the table in front, he tilted his head towards her. The couch was indeed very soft but the appeasement, to him, came from her presence and he knew he couldn't deny it. Having Natasha snuggled into adorableness beside him, he realized how much she actually meant to him.

Lost in his thoughts, Steve too drifted soon. It had indeed been a very long day after all.

* * *

Both of them slept peacefully, neither knew when or how Natasha's legs had extended onto Steve's lap, her knees resting against his chest, while her head slid down using the hand rest behind her as a pillow, Steve had his arms securely wrapped around her knees, having a firm yet gentle grasp on them, preventing her from falling down.

It was a transition that neither of them even slightly felt, but the two blue soup bowls winked at each other from the far corners of the couch, they saw it all.

* * *

Natasha was the first one to wake up. She wasn't used to sleeping so pleasantly for such long intervals of time without waking up, and judging by the sunlight coming from the window behind the couch, it was definitely morning.

Blinking softly, getting her eyes accustomed to the light, she couldn't help but chuckle inwardly at the sight in front of her: Steve, with his mouth slightly open and his head tilted towards her, was drooling a little. His hands were holding on to her knees, which to her surprise, were lying over his chest. _When did this happen?_ She almost snickered at their unconscious adorableness.

Since their time underground, his hair had grown longer than his usual length and he was sporting a light stubble, which was very different from his usual Captain America clean-shaven stance, but then again he was a fugitive now. His look perfectly fitted to their situation of running around, barely making it through, living under the radar. Even so, the Brooklyn kid that consisted the core of Captain America couldn't be more visible than at the moment.

Steve looked so vulnerable to her at that moment. His trajectory, from being his country's savior to being a criminal. He had done so much for the world, and in turn, the only one thing he cared about more than his life had been snatched, and even though Bucky was alive, his best friend wasn't himself anymore. All Steve wanted was to get him back, the last link to a life he had had before…before the time when he was used as a political figure, 'the dancing monkey,' as he called it, before the world consumed him with all its needs and requirements, before everything became…grey.

Since the beginning, his shoulders had carried the burden of responsibility, but ever since he had woken up from the ice, his heart also ached for a reason, a reason to go on, when everything he had was taken away so brutally. _Was it so wrong to fight for it? To save someone you care for, why was the notion so un-understandable? Has the world become this detached?_ She raised those loud questions, ones filled with passion and compassion, silently in her mind.

Natasha had always teased Steve for his innocence, but she very well knew that he wasn't naïve. He had taught her so much, and even more than that, there was this huge tangible shift in her beliefs, in the way she saw the world and herself, before Natasha had never felt like she could deserve a shot at normalacity, because she hadn't gotten one before, now even though her concrete foundations hadn't been broken down altogether, there was a difference she'd felt in the way she saw herself.

With each and every moment that she'd spent with Steve since after they'd opened up to each other few years back, there was a growing urge to protect him, to keep him safe, not just to fulfil his trust in her but because she felt…alive in his aura and when he wasn't there with her, the memories of moments spent with him gave her strength, a will to fight, to not give up.

And ironically, he'd given her a reason to go on, a reason way too good to pass up.

Almost feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of her thoughts, Natasha tried to blink back to the reality, one which reminded her of where she was and how comfortable she felt, her legs, snuggled up against his chest, encompassing his body heat and her upper half being covered by a warm woolen shawl. _He got me a shawl?_ The upsurge of awedness she felt was almost indescribable.

Laying down there, warm and nestled, it was her turn to watch Steve sleep. To capture the moment, think things through, maybe over think them a little too.

The fact that they had just spent the entire night on a couch, even when they had pretty decent beds, that too without even realizing, just so that they could be in each other's vicinity, made Natasha chuckle inwardly. And just last night, she had called herself pragmatic. It was a little silly probably, but she was pretty sure it was a good idea considering how light she felt after their conversation and how cozy she felt after the dreamless, peaceful sleep that she'd just got next to him.

It scared her a little thinking how much they needed each other sometimes and what if one day they'd lose each other forever?

She almost instantaneously shook her head, stopping herself from going there, preventing herself from ruining the opportunity she had at her hands.

She reminded herself of last night, the conversation, things they'd said to each other; how simply Steve had removed that lingering bit of doubt she had been carrying over since months. The way he stitched her lip, he was so dedicated, and the moment he scolded her and held her face instinctively. Natasha wasn't used to this; these feelings that he would bring out made her feel so…helpless; she was so used to being in control of herself and then, out of nowhere, these unnamed powerful emotions would shake her to her core, leaving her wanting more but not even understanding, more of what?

Though she didn't feel an exposed kind of vulnerable, it was more of strength she experienced in it, in the lack of control, there was a kind of fervor in the pureness that comes from expressing an emotion without refining it before, when you and the other person comprehend it together, at the same moment, it was a kind of honesty that was liberating to her. Natasha felt like she was discovering new sides to herself, parts that she never even knew existed, and now, it was almost exhilarating.

These thoughts brought back the expanding feeling in her chest. The two of them had gradually but steadily, built this shared extent of unspoken communication, along with an almost unattainable level of trust, comfort and friendship but now, she felt like there was something more. And even though she would consider herself worthy of a chance at life, she couldn't even dare to imagine it with someone like Steve. Having him as a friend was way more than she deserved, she couldn't go any further.

Natasha had learned pretty early on in her life that she no place in the world, and till date, the reminiscents of that belief system ate her up, for, Steve had very quickly, without even her noticing, become her world. She would willingly, rather with a smile on her face, lay her life down for him, only if she could somehow know that he'd be okay, because she just didn't want him to breathe, she wanted him to experience the best of life's magic, and most importantly, she wanted him to find his home in someone who could be deserving of him.

But before Natasha could go any further with those thoughts, Steve started stirring up, she quickly closed her eyes back, she wasn't satisfied just yet. _Too soon._

While Natasha was pretending to be perfectly asleep, Steve slowly woke up, he too like her, was surprised by their innocent entanglement, but making no efforts to move even an inch, being too comfortable, he wiped the drool off from the side of his mouth startled a bit by it, not remembering the last time that happened, and then he looked at her. To him, Natasha was dead asleep, and he was once again awed by how calm she appeared.

Steve didn't have the heart to wake her up, not when she looked this peaceful. He decided that he would just wait for her to wake up.

He gazed out of the window behind them, his mind reeling about last night, their conversation, its immensity and how gratifying it was to the both of them. He unknowingly started humming a song, one he had heard a while back, and that time too his thoughts were filled with Natasha. To Steve, it was and always will be a song that represented her to him, so perfectly, it was beautiful.

"Labrinth feat. Emeli Sandé? I didn't know you had such a spectacular taste in music, Rogers," she almost startled him.

"Yeah…um you too. Sorry for waking you up," Steve was a bit embarrassed being caught off guard, humming a song like this.

"Slept okay?" Natasha asked stretching, pretending to have just woken up so flawlessly.

"Pretty good. This couch is incredibly comfortable. You?"

"Me too. This couch is incredibly comfortable but you ain't that bad yourself too," Natasha teased, gesturing her hand towards the way his hands were wrapped around her knees, so securely, holding her close.

Steve blushed a little, embarrassed once again, "You have a tendency of falling off."

"Yeah Rogers, I certainly do, even though I once was a Russian assassin, having an extensive skill set, being vigorously trained, pertaining enough precision to walk on a tightrope blindfolded, and that is, both metaphorically and literally. But I still definitely have a tendency to fall off of couches," she stated, sarcastically nodding her head in agreement.

"Damn it. It was instinctive okay?" He huffed annoyed, letting go of her legs.

"Yeah, yeah, stop with the whining. I've gotta go pee, check on Sam."

She got up, heading straight to the washroom, but suddenly remembering, she turned around, "Thank you for the shawl and for…being there. I haven't slept like this in a long time, and that wasn't particularly because of the couch."

Steve chuckled softly, at the couch reference, "same here. We've missed this, haven't we?"

"We sure did."

* * *

 **A/N: Hello people! So the song that Steve was humming is Beneath Your Beautiful by Labrinth ft. Emeli Sandé. I know it's a little cheesy but I've always adored this song and I think it represents really well how he actually feels towards her. If you haven't heard it I really think you should.**

 **Also, I'm not really sure how long this story is gonna be but, to be honest, i don't really think it'll exceed 10 chapters cause, to me, this isn't really a story, it is this transition that they undergo with finally accepting their past and acknowledging who they really wanna be. I want this to fit well with infinity war and as far as I've gone till now, I guess it does. Remember Sam's mention of 'this is awkward' in the movie? That was the best part, wasn't it? Romanogers all the way! Okay, sorry I'm gonna shut up now. Thank you so much for reading and an extra acknowledgement for all those who reviewed. I really appreciate it.**

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"And you know Sam, she practically didn't talk to me for a week, going around the tower sulking about it," Steve stated smugly, only to be smacked by Natasha, who was sitting right beside him on the Falcon's bed. "Hey! What was that for?" He turned his head back annoyed.

"Seriously Steve? You just said the Black Widow sulks man, what'd you expect?" Sam took her side, earning a nod of agreement from her.

The two of them had made breakfast, and Sam had finally woken up, he still was pretty weak and in pain from the ordeals of yesterday, but he was doing okay, especially with Natasha having so much experience in dealing with gunshot wounds while on the run. There wasn't anything to worry as such, he would just take a couple of weeks to recover fully though, that was inevitable, they didn't have Dr. Cho's cradle underground now, did they?

And after checking up on his wound once again, the three of them shared an enjoyable but peaceful breakfast in Sam's room, reminiscing about old missions or sharing embarrassing stories and taunting each other (mostly by Steve and Natasha cause Sam wasn't strong enough to be his usual teasing self).

Steve stood up, taking the empty plates and glasses he headed out, and without looking back, he clearly stated, "don't you two start pairing up against me again," all while Sam and Natasha shared a knowing mischievous grin.

Boy, he knew them so well.

* * *

After enduring a bit of their teasing and cleaning the dishes alongside Natasha, Steve's mind wandered off, starting to figure out a plan for his team, figuring out the forthcoming couple of weeks.

Now that Sam was injured they'd have to wait at least a month before wading in their way into another set of explosions, though he knew Natasha and him could gather some intel and skim through whatever she had collected through their last mission.

And even though they did make it through, they were definitely overburdened with the technology the terrorist group was using and this time, he wanted them to be a step ahead, well prepared, maybe they could also bring in a little extra help from Wanda and be done with the few but the most significant last bits, finally bringing an end to the misuse of the Chitauri remnants.

"Steve where's your head at?" Natasha was standing beside him, the two of them were now placing the washed dishes back to their places.

"I was just thinking about what we are going to do now. I mean till Sam recovers. We could gather intel and set up our strategies, call in Wanda?"

"Yup. That's exactly about what our options are. Gather intel, definitely call in Wanda and oh, you forgot one," she said, making him look up at her tilting his head, questioning, "staying alive." To which his response was a simple smile.

"We need to get some supplies. We're practically out of food and meds. Thanks to Sam." She said the last bit rather loudly, wanting Sam to hear and, hear he did.

"You're blaming me for running out on your bandage supply?" came the cheeky response from his room, making both of them laugh, "you guys know that I just died, right?"

"So you're saying we go into the city to get them? I mean, I don't know Nat, with all the chaos that's already been going on, and we barely know the place and the language…I'm not even sure what it is really."

"We anyway need to have a look at the next bases' status and figure out their schedule. I'd say how about we club them both? I guess we'll manage with the place cause I can speak Persian and theirs is a close neighbor. I'll pull it off."

"Wow. Okay then, this is going to be our first mission, right? Where we're combining extracting information along with grocery shopping." He chuckled, making her smirk.

"In two days then?"

"Yeah. That sounds like a plan." Steve rolled his eyes, knowing that it sounded way more easy than is actually going to be, but with Natasha by his side, he wasn't particularly worried; finishing off with the dishes and before heading off, he lightly ruffled her hair playfully, just like he always did when he wanted to annoy her.

"Hey!" And Natasha was right, some things never really get old. Whether she was a red-head or a blonde, Steve would always mess with her hair to irritate her.

* * *

Two days later.

The two of them had the Quinjet parked a couple of miles from one of the biggest bases they'd had to deal with, trying not to gather any significant attention in the alienated area.

Their mission had followed smoothly, just as they had planned, they sneaked inside the intricate base without getting noticed, getting the major information they required from there: the level of their technologically enhanced Chitauri weapons, their dealings with previous bases the trio had destroyed, a brief layout of the current base they were in along with an estimate about their size, both in terms of men and weapons.

There was one moment of panic when they had been noticed by a group three men but, before they could raise an alarm, the duo treated them perfectly, just as they deserved and after that, they not just rather swiftly made their exit, but they also 'borrowed' one of the jeeps without gathering any suspicion.

They were two of the most famous Shield agents for a reason after all, their agility, coordination and meticulous planning skills were known to many in the world by now, soon it would be the members of this bases' turn to experience it.

They headed to one of the main markets in the city to get some grocery first, after which they had decided to head to some local chemist shop to get the medicinal requirements they needed. That would be a little more challenging because the kind of requirements they had in terms of dealing with their superhero-sized wounds would definitely raise suspicion and they didn't have any prescription too.

They were relying on bribing some local shopkeeper to provide them with the drugs and medicines, but that they decided to figure out later, right now they were in a crowded open marketplace figuring out what all they'd need.

Natasha had gotten friendly with one of the shopkeepers in the vast open market, pretending the two of them were an American couple, here to travel as a part of their mission to see the world together. She impressed him by making him believe that she had tried to learn a bit of their language whereas in reality both she and Steve could get the gist of what they were speaking because their's was a language closely related to Russian and Persian. While Steve only new the former, Natasha knew both like the back of her hand. She sneaked out some of the information about local chemists from him rather quickly.

"I've definitely heard a lot about the Kabuli Pulao," she showed her appreciation to him in a broken but utterly convincible language.

They continued engaging in light conversation while Steve, though not actively involved, continually nodded his head, whereas his mind elsewhere, especially when he saw a boy, must be around 10 years old. His gaze was lost and he looked like he was scared to death. He clung on to the half jacket he wore with his life as if he was sneaking something away.

Steve's eyes met his for a brief period, and almost instantaneously he hid his suspicion towards the boy and put a compassionate and soft expression, prying his secret subtly but gently out of him. The boy, for a very brief second, loosened his hold on his vest, revealing a complex set of wires beneath and to a mind trained like Steve's, it didn't take long to realize what was going on.

Steve's eyes suddenly moved up towards the neighboring buildings that were surrounding the open market space and very swiftly, he noticed snipers with their aim on the boy. Two words flashed in his head: Suicide bomber. But he was definitely unwilling to do it, to have revealed himself to Steve, his terror distinctly visible to him.

"Nat!" His hushed a whisper, gaining her full attention. A little point through his eyes along with him mouthing those two same words to her brought her pretty close to what was going on.

"He's scared." He further added.

"Figures. The snippers wouldn't have been there otherwise."

"You're gonna have to deal with the snippers. I've gotta get the boy, he trusts me."

She glanced a look at the two distant buildings that had them placed. "Alright. I'm gonna head to my right one first. 3 minutes. Keep him occupied and don't grab any attention, Rogers." She ran away, without spearing him another look. The both of them ignored the bafflement of the shopkeeper, knowing that it would soon be answered. There was going to be chaos soon. There almost always is, around them.

Natasha quickly made her way inside the building, attacking every single man she saw armored, making her way to the top floor. And one inside, even though she just had one of her guns, she easily shot him, startling almost each and every one of them, coming in like a storm, not sparing them a second to react or even realize what was happening before getting to them.

One he fell, she swiftly borrowed the large rifle that he had had and shot the sniper across, on the other building. Steve, knowing it was his cue, huddled the boy along with him in an isolated alley, rapidly getting him out of his vest, followed by the jacket that contained the bomb. The boy was almost shivering, his shudders both from fear and relief taking over. Steve could see the timer, 5:53. He sighed, enveloping the small boy in a brief hug after which telling him to sit beside. Steve was pretty sure that the boy was about to pass out but never the less, he continued his task, beginning to defuse the bomb.

At the same time, as Steve had thought, there was chaos in the marketplace with all the shooting going around. Natasha's building was pretty much empty but she had gathered significant attention from the opposite one and now was full-fledged engaging in combat.

In a couple of moments, Steve was done with the bomb, somehow managing to get through it, now he just had to get this boy to safety before joining Nat.

Simultaneously, Natasha was almost finished there, she too snuck in one of the alleys, avoiding the pouring members of the terrorist group from finding her. She ran inside, and all she could think at the moment was how she wished they'd had comms. But they didn't, and all she could do was hope she'd somehow find Steve and that he'd be okay.

He took the boy's hand and started off further in the alley, which had its complex structures of rights and lefts but both of them seemed completed alienated in the space.

Suddenly Steve heard footsteps. He hid behind the edge of the corner, holding the scared child close. One noise in moments like these and it all amounts to nothing.

* * *

Wanda and Vision stepped off their Quinjet, their hands filled with packets of supplies that Natasha and Steve had asked them to get. Entering their safe house for a moment both of them, who were chatting their way in, got startled, but right in the next moment the noise they'd heard easily got identified as Sam's hysteria.

The curious couple after placing the supplies on the table headed inside the room from where the noise was coming from, and though they already had a lot of questions to ask the trio, the sight in front of them made them only more bemused: Sam was almost crying, laughing so hard, Natasha was fuming and Steve was embarrassed but somehow still trying to control the situation, preventing Natasha from hurling pillows at Sam, while telling him to shut up.

"Um…hi?" Wanda was initially ignored by all except Sam, "oh my god! I feel so bad for you guys. You two just missed witnessing the most hilarious sight ever: Captain America and Black Widow performed horizontal Tango h-" before he could complete his face met with another pillow. "You're gonna shut up now."

What actually happened was while Steve was preparing dinner he had accidentally spilled some oil but couldn't find a rag, so he went around looking for one, but till the time he returned, Natasha was already nearing that spot and about to slip. He had rushed up and attempted to stable her but he himself started to fumble and then she tried to steady him but the two of them, losing balance, clumsily fell together and Sam with his door open had a great view of this and had been teasing the duo ever since.

In actuality though, Natasha was this raging mad because of how she felt when the two of them fell. She was directly on top of him, their faces inches apart, and even though she had been pretty close to him in a lot of previous missions, she had even kissed him, but this time it made her feel a little too different altogether.

The thoughts she had had the morning after their long conversation the previous nights had taken over once again. After their clumsy fall, it wasn't just desire she felt, it was so much more. Though her eyes did move to his lips a couple of times, but she also just wanted to snuggle up with him, holding him close, for being adorable enough to run towards her to prevent her from falling, for the way his soft baby blue eyes always made her feel wrapped around in the warmth of a cocoon and for his innocent yet astonishing sense of humour, one that expanded from dry humour to witty retort.

He'd kept her alive and given her the slight sense of hope that she too could someday have a life worth living, one that she could genuinely call hers, and where she could be a little selfish and not feel guilty about it.

But then she was pulled out of her mirage-like thoughts. The reality of who she actually was knocked her down once again, reminding her of her past, realizing how she couldn't deserve the pureness that was just inches away from her at that moment. And Sam's laughter to her represented the physical, audible jibe at her for even letting the thoughts of such a future enter her mind.

"Calm down, Nat. It's okay. Guys, I'd just spilled a little oil and we slipped. And Sam do you seriously want to annoy us right now? We've had a really long day, and unless you wanna sit your ass down this bed for longer than your gunshot wounds require, I'd suggest you'd better keep your mouth shut."

The entire room fell quiet for a moment. Steve had just taken his Captain America tone, Sam looked like a kicked, lost puppy and Wanda and Vision shared the look that they used to when Steve or Natasha got super mad during a training session.

Natasha breaking out of her state of consistent, incessant anger, realized just how childish she had been behaving. Suddenly she smirked, "that's not how you're supposed to talk to others, Cap. Gosh, where are your manners?" And the entire room burst out in laughter, including Steve who while trying to give her a look, failing miserably though, he couldn't help but chuckle.

* * *

The five of them were eating dinner at the dining table. Sam still couldn't entirely walk but Steve helped him, and the distance wasn't much anyway. Steve and Natasha were telling them what all had actually happened during their incredibly long day.

"Wait…wait…wait. So I'm confused. This just happened randomly? Out of nowhere in a completely jam-packed market?" Wanda asked, utterly disgusted by the reality of the situation.

"I feel extremely sorrowful for that child," Vision added.

"Yeah. He was petrified the entire time, and when I heard footsteps I felt like his shudders were going to land us in more trouble, but the moment heard Natasha's voice I felt so relieved." Turning his head in her direction, he lightly joked, "you almost scared the life out of me with those precise footsteps. If I didn't have super soldier hearing, I'd bet I couldn't make out the noise." Natasha smirked at that.

"Oh, I can still easily get you old man."

"So what happened to the boy?" Someone asked.

"The shopkeeper. As clichéd as it sounds, both the boy and the shopkeeper recognized each other, claiming that the shopkeeper is his father's old friend."

"So you two had a complete Hollywoody adventure? The power couple kicks ass once again," Sam teased, earning a glare from the them, he sighed and backed down, "oh c'mon man."

"But thank you guys for bringing all of this stuff. Sam here had been hogging up all of our supplies." Natasha's retort made him groan, "you guys know I just died right!?" Making all of them chuckle at his expense once again.

The former Avengers continued laughing and teasing each other throughout dinner. It was as if they were back at the compound, each of them felt oddly satisfied, knowing how much they had missed this and though except Vision, all of them were on Steve's side, there was absolutely no grudges or hesitances. They all had, in the time they'd spent away from each other, realized their own mistakes but also the inevitability of what had happened.

It was going to be well spent night for sure, and even though Vision had to leave the very next morning to get back to the compound, following his deal with Tony to return after spending the few months with Wanda, he couldn't feel more at home with all of them present.

* * *

 **A/N - Hiii guys! I know this chapter's a tad bit smaller than the others but I promise the next one's surely gonna be longer and I'm planning to write a good major flashback scene for it, so do you guys think that'll be good? It won't be from the movies but I hope it'll come out well and you all would like it. Also, let me know what are your thoughts on this chapter. Are you enjoying reading this fic? Any suggestions are welcome so please review guys! Thank you so much for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The four out of five of them continued to chat along until morning. Sam eventually got exhausted, and with some help, he headed for bed. The rest of them chilled out, reminiscing about old missions, pranks and memories, remembering the good ol' days. Somehow they'd started talking about major mess-ups and, first in line was definitely Wanda. All of their minds went back to the period post Ultron, where both Wanda and Vision were fairly new to all of it. It had been around six months, with everything that had been going on when the incident took place.

"You guys we're so mad at me," Wanda chuckled, remembering it.

 _"What the hell is wrong with you? I specifically told you not to get involved, didn't I?" Steve harshly continued scolding Wanda. They were on their way back to the Quinjet, Wanda would have almost been killed if Steve and Natasha didn't jump in._

It was basically another hydra infiltration mission for which Steve and Natasha were assigned and even though Wanda had stressed, she was told by the both of them on separate occasions that she wasn't ready for it. They were heading to one of the few intricate bases on which they didn't have much information too, regarding its size, prior activities and engagements and, after the last base like this, they didn't really want to take any chances.

Wanda had somehow sneaked into their Quinjet without getting noticed and had planned to prove her worth to them by surprising them with skills the sixteen-year-old proudly imagined she possessed.

"But seriously, the most important question is, how in hell, did you sneak inside?" Natasha asked.

"I'll admit I was just a beginner but hey, I was getting trained by the best," she winked at Natasha, making everyone laugh.

 _The both of them had been working as per plan, engaging in combat in the underground base, when suddenly Wanda had jumped in, almost out of nowhere for them, taking the two of them by more surprise than the soldiers she was tearing apart with her powers aggressively._

 _But rather quickly there came a point where one of the men hurled at her from behind with an iron rod, disbalancing and overpowering her but before he could strike, Natasha jumped right in saving her, while getting a nasty, deep-rooted cut. She had gotten stabbed by a glass piece somehow but she managed to push Wanda out of the way and continued to go on without getting as much injured as Wanda would have gotten if she hadn't traded._

 _Steve too soon enough was there and they somehow managed to deal with the base decently enough but one done, Steve could easily notice that Natasha wasn't doing that well._

 _Natasha's leg was bleeding profusely, yet she was quiet, it was generally her who did all the scolding, but she didn't really have much energy to deal with the teen at that moment._

 _Steve carried her in, placing her on the table, while Wanda took off, "Nat, are you all right? Getting dizzy?" Steve was taking out the first aid kit for her._

 _"…fine, just pull me up…uhh," Steve pulled her up in a sitting position, she had taken out the major piece of glass while she was in the base only but she could still feel something in there._

 _"Is there more glass inside or should I try to stop the bleeding?" he asked her, a bit panicked, while she was examining the wound with him._

 _"I think there's one. Its small, towards the left," she directed him, while sitting up, one hand on his shoulder, while other trying to point towards where she felt it._

 _Steve quickly pulled out the tiny splinter with the forceps, trying hard not to hurt her too much._

 _"Any more?" he asked, to which she quickly nodded._

 _Steve instantly started to apply pressure on her wound to stop the bleeding, and once it did, he started cleaning it, Natasha lay back down now, exhausted. He didn't stitch it up, knowing they were about to reach the compound and he would prefer it to be checked nicely once._

 _"I'm not dizzy cause of this. The rod landed right on my head before he stabbed me with the glass," she stated, wanting to calm him, knowing that she'll be fine._

 _"So the Black Widow can't even stand a concussion," he smirked, making her chuckle. In actuality though, he just wanted to keep her engaged in light conversation, preventing her from losing consciousness, just to be on the safer side._

 _"Here," Steve placed an ice pack over her head, which he could see was swelling up because of the hit. He couldn't be more proud of her, throwing herself out there for Wanda like that, though he had expected nothing less from her._

 _Natasha looked at him for a moment and pointing her eyes towards the cockpit, telling him to go check on Wanda, who had barely managed to take off._

 _He walked over to her, standing beside her for a second, and she turned her head, her eyes filled with tears and her gaze apologetic._

 _"Get up," he directed her, still pissed off and annoyed by her recklessness. Taking her place, he got a better hold of the jet, setting it up on autopilot rather quickly._

 _"I'm sorry…I thought that…"_

 _"I don't wanna hear it," Steve abrasively cut her off. And once he was done with the settings, he turned around and went back to Natasha, who appeared dead asleep._

 _"Nat? Natasha are you okay? Natasha," he called her a few times, finally shaking her a bit, worried once again._

 _"…huh? I'm fine Rogers."_

 _"Stay awake, will you?"_

 _"Alright."_

 _Wanda stood right next to Natasha, all while being completely ignored by both the Avengers, her guardians. Tears dripping from her eyes, she was ashamed of herself, and even though she knew she deserved it, it still hurt to witness Steve's harsh side, one she felt she could never be immune to._  
 _Steve had informed Dr. Helen Cho and Agent Hill and, the medical team at the compound took Natasha right in, as soon as they landed._

 _Steve following suit along with Wanda who was tagging behind._

 _And after some stitches and a CT scan, Natasha was deemed fit but was on strict orders for complete bed rest. The dizziness was because of a little swelling in one of the arteries, but luckily, there wasn't any internal bleeding as such._

 _After the doctors strict instructions for bed rest along with putting her on 'forced leave,' a term they had come up with especially for Natasha because, by now, almost all of them were aware of her tendency to ignore medical restrictions completely, she was finally allowed to rest in her room once all her burns and scars were taken care of along with a prescription of some heavy meds for her head._

 _Steve too got his scrapes treated and Wanda her few bruises and cuts._

 _When they were finally done, Steve accompanied Natasha to her room, wanting to ensure that she okay but also wanting to talk to her alone. Once inside, he helped her slide into her blanket and took a seat beside._

 _"I don't know what to do with her. I'm so disappointed," he shook his head sighing, tired._

 _"Talk to her. She was desperate Steve, to prove her worth, to redeem herself."_

 _"But she wasn't ready."_

 _"I know that, but apparently she thinks otherwise. She is a teenager Steve, they're supposed to be stubborn and naïve. She knows she's powerful she just doesn't understand that it's not always enough."_

 _"I was so worried."_

 _"So was I."_

 _"Am I supposed to be mad?"_

 _"A bit, but not too much. She gets too impacted by your words anyway. She'll drown us in her tears, and besides, I'm the one who usually does all the scolding," Natasha stated with a smirk._

 _"Can we ground her or something?" Steve asked with a smile on his face, knowing it wouldn't happen but also that she too shared the protectiveness._

 _"She doesn't really have much of a life we could ground her from."_

 _"You're going to eat something before you pass out," he told her, and it wasn't a question. He would make damn sure that she would eat before she slept._

 _"I don't want too. I'm exhausted," Natasha almost whined._

 _"Nat. You haven't eaten all day," he stated with a pointed look._

 _"Fine. Gosh, now you're treating me like a kid."_

 _"You're acting like one."_

 _"You were just asking me about how to deal with Wanda," she rolled her eyes._

 _"Should I get you some soup?" he asked, ignoring her._

 _"How about you talk to Wanda and then join me? I am craving some Chinese."_

 _"Okay. But you won't fall asleep till then."_

 _"I won't. Order it on your way out."_

 _"Alright."_

 _Steve started walking out, pulling out his phone to order their dinner._

 _"Steve?"_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"Pass me that book, will you?"_

* * *

 _While Natasha decided to read for a bit, Steve after placing an order for their food, went to Wanda's room and knocked._

 _"Come in," came her meek voice._

 _She too was reading on her table and had just kept the book down looking at Steve._

 _"We need to talk."_

 _"I know." She stood up and took a seat on the bed, leaving space for him to sit beside._

 _"Why did you do it, Wanda? Natasha and I specifically told you that you are not ready, then why?" he asked gently but firmly, taking his place beside her._

 _"I'm so sorry. I thought I was ready. I…I wanted to show you guys that I'm good enough. But I guess I'm not," she dejectedly stated, her voice a little shaky and her eyes a little moist._

" _You're still in training and yes you have powers that make you strong, but there are a lot of other aspects too. I know you feel like we're being overprotective but we just want you to be prepared, that's all. And I understand that you feel like you need to go out there and redeem yourself, to fight and do your job, but Wanda, you have to listen to us. You're lucky Natasha was there and that she was capable enough to protect you and not hurt herself too much." He spoke earnestly, all while looking at her, but at the last part, his voice got a little harsh, making a couple of tears escape Wanda's eyes._

 _"I'm sorry," she sobbed a little, understanding where she went wrong but it hurt._

 _"I need you to look at me," he calmly told her, knowing how hard it was for her to not break down at that moment._

 _"Our team is built off trust and you just broke it, lying right at our faces. I'm so disappointed in you." She finally broke down at those words and his expression, knowing that he actually meant it._

 _Steve could see how badly his words affected her and he knew that he had gotten to her. 'Enough.' He told himself, remembering Natasha's words. It was just that he was so worried by her recklessness that he wanted to ensure something like this didn't happen again._

 _"I'm so sorry Steve, please don't…please don't hate me," she barely choked out in between her sobs and hiccups, letting her insecurities pry over her_

 _Steve sighed pulling her in, knowing that he had hurt her but also how important it was to make her realize this. He gently rubbed her back while trying to calm her down. She was still murmuring apologies all while holding on to him._

 _He held her back after a moment, gently holding her chin to make her look at him, even though it was all against her will. She just wanted to cuddle up and cry but Steve wasn't finished yet._

 _"Hey. I don't hate you. I never will. I just can't see you getting hurt. And its okay, you're forgiven. I know its hard Wanda, but you have to listen to us. Okay?" his tone much softer now, wiping off her tears with his other hand._

 _"Yeah," she fell back in his arms, wanting some comfort after the incredibly hard day. It always hurt her heart when Steve was mad at her. She just couldn't take it somehow._

 _He held her for a bit, chuckling softly at how right was Natasha, but he was also glad that this was over. It was quite an ordeal to be stern with Wanda, who in his eyes would always be a child._

 _"Is Natasha okay?" she asked finally letting go of him, even though she had heard everything the doctor had told Natasha, Steve easily could figure out that her question was more about was she okay with Wanda than was she physically okay._

 _"She's fine, just exhausted. She was a little mad, but I'm sure it'll be okay," he tried to console her, not wanting her to cry anymore._

 _"I want you to get some rest now. Have you eaten?"_

 _"A while ago."_

 _"Okay then, goodnight," he said getting up._

 _He placed a kiss atop her head, murmuring out an 'It's alright now' once again._

 _"Thank you, Steve," she looked up at him sincerely, and it was an expression of gratitude that meant way more than just that day._

 _"You don't have to thank me." He smiled warmly, understanding her sentiments far too well, he finally headed towards the door. "Go to bed. I don't want a grumpy teen tomorrow morning."_

 _"I don't get grumpy," she huffed lightly._

 _"Well, I remember a certain someone throwing a tantrum last Wednesday at losing a sparring match," he smirked lightly, teasing her._

 _"That wasn't a tantrum, Sam cheated," she stated pointedly._

 _"And you almost threw him off the building."_

 _"I did not."_

 _"Okay," Steve raised his hands in surrender, "maybe its not a good idea for you to spend so much time with Natasha."_

 _"I could totally tell her you know," she teased back, making him chuckle._

 _"I'm gonna see you tomorrow," he said smiling lightly, heading out. She smiled back and went back to her book._

"I was such a mess way back then," Wanda smiled lightly, remembering, she didn't even need to say anything else, the three people in that room were the ones who'd seen her in her worst and somehow brought her out of it. They were her everything… _and Sam too. Maybe._ She smirked with that thought.

"Yup. It wasn't easy putting up with your tantrums," Natasha teased.

"Definitely." Steve nodded. "I couldn't agree more," Vision too chimed in, surprising almost all of them, but most of all Wanda. "Hey! You guys are so mean!"

Then three of them laughed once again, for the way she was pouting, no one could ever believe that she was nineteen and not nine.

 _It had been about 30 minutes and Steve soon went up to her with the Chinese, finding her still reading._

 _"I'm assuming it went well?" she asked, marking her page before keeping aside her book._

 _"I don't know. I just don't like seeing her cry. She acts like such a thirteen-year-old sometimes with her recklessness," he took his place beside her, opening up the packets and handing it to her._

 _"I wouldn't expect anything less. Think about it, She's not emotionally developed for her age Steve. I mean, she's barely seen things a normal kid would've growing up. It had just been her and Pietro, fighting against the world. She's not used to these kinds of things and it overwhelms her sometimes. So yeah, she is pretty much a thirteen-year-old in terms of emotional development." Natasha explained him._

 _"Well yeah…I forget sometimes, but its just…" his voice trailed off_

 _"I understand Steve, I feel it too. I know its difficult and no, you weren't too hard on her," she finished, answering the unvoiced question, lingering in his head._

 _"You think she'll be fine?"_

 _"She's probably asleep by now, snuggled up with Vision," she chuckled inside, knowing Steve secretly didn't like the fact those two spent so much time together._

 _"I don't like it sometimes. Does that make me overprotective?" His gaze was so pure, and he almost pouted a little thinking about them. Natasha's heart melted right there._

 _"Just a tad bit," she smirked, stealing a piece of his chicken._

 _"C'mon Nat! That was the last one."_

 _"Tough luck mister."_

 _"And I thought you didn't want to eat."_

 _Steve stayed in for a bit after dinner, they continued talking lightly for a bit and since she had a couple days of forced leave, she needed all the ideas she could get. They started watching a movie both of them had wanted to watch since a long time, but it so happened that they couldn't, until now. And without realizing Steve fell asleep beside her and soon she did too._

* * *

 _7:41 am, the next day_

 _Steve woke up groggily, unaware of where he was, then slowly turning his head he saw Natasha asleep beside him. He smiled lightly, realizing he would've fallen asleep during the movie, but then suddenly, his eyes fell on the digital clock ion Natasha's bedside table, 7:43 it clearly showed, "Shit," he immediately got up and rushed out, closing Natasha's door as gently as he could in his panicked situation._

 _"Friday I have an alarm for 5:45 every day. Why didn't you wake me up?" he asked rushing to his room._

 _"Captain Rogers, the entire floor has a 5:45 wake up call but I had to turn off Agent Romanoff's room because she's on forced leave sir," the A.I responded._

' _Damn it. They're not going to let it go.'_

 _Steve hurriedly got ready and reached the gym. Everything was going normal, Sam and Rhodey were sparring on one side while Wanda and Vision were on another._

 _Steve waited patiently, watching and pointing out things to them. When finally the round ended, Vision was holding down Wanda, while Sam smirkingly sat over Rhodey, teasing him about losing._

 _"Sam get off," he commanded._

 _Vision helped up Wanda, who even though was still a little breathless couldn't let the opportunity go._

 _"Look who slept in?" she teased._

 _"Yeah man, I asked Friday and she said you were sleeping with Natasha. So you guys finally a thing now, huh?" Sam joined in, lightly elbowing him. Steve sighed but before he could respond Vision came up to him._

 _"Congratulations, Captain Rogers, you and Agent Romanoff, did always have something special," he warmly said, shaking Steve's hand, leaving him baffled and blushing._

"Vision, you too? Oh man…poor Cap."

"Oh, please Nat. You even beat Sam when it comes to annoying Steve," Wanda pointed out.

"Aww…you're getting protective, huh? Isn't it adorable Steve," Natasha sweetly said those words, making Steve stifle a laugh. Vision couldn't be more glad that his skin tone was already red otherwise, he definitely would have been crimson with all that blushing. Wanda opened her mouth to say something but then pursing her lips, she looked away. "Damn it. I'm so gonna get back to you."

 _"Ooo," came in Rhodey, "I always knew this would happen. About damn time."_

 _"Guys stop it, we were just watching a movie and I fell asleep okay, you all have a way, jumping to conclusions," Steve huffed, annoyed._

 _"Whose grumpy now, huh? Seems like those extra hours of sleep to fall short old man," Wanda chuckled, making everyone laugh at his expense. He was right, Natasha was definitely not a good influence to Wanda when it came to sarcasm._

"Um…so wait…not to sound like Sam, but what actually happened that night?" Wanda pretended to be asking genuinely.

"Okay. Seriously? What do you mean 'what happened?' We told you, we were just having dinner and then I fell asleep watching a movie." Steve went on.

"Okay…okay," Wanda raised her hands in surrender.

"How about you tell us how you spent the night…hmm? Natasha asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay, fine. You win! Now stop bullying me," Wanda folded her hands, annoyed.

"It's just her way of showing you just how much she missed you," Steve shared a chuckle with Natasha but after the dramatically heartbroken expression that Wanda gave them, they decided to stop teasing the teen.

"So, yeah, that's about it. I was a little anxious about talking to Natasha but it wasn't that bad."

"Hey! You're ruining my reputation."

"I mean, you were pretty scary and all but I think you were a little more annoyed with being holed up in your room," Wanda chuckled. The three of them continued chatting lightly while Steve's mind reeled back to whatever that had followed that day.

 _After a particularly long training session for Steve, mainly because of the teasing and tauntings he had to go through from the entire team and that too all alone, it was finally done. He didn't have any other commitments for the day._

 _He decided to shower first and then grab a bite. Walking up to his room, he wondered what would Natasha be doing, and once he was inside, he picked up his phone from the table, checking it for any texts, particularly from her._

 _2:41pm_

 _'_ _Catch me for lunch? I'm bored out of my mind.'_

 _It had been 15 minutes since her message. He chuckled to himself, imagining her trying to watch a movie and then getting annoyed halfway through._

 _'I'll be there in a bit.' He quickly responded, heading for a shower._

* * *

 _About half an hour later, he entered Natasha's room with two bowls of chicken caesar salad._

 _"Thank god you're alive! I thought you slipped and broke your neck in the shower old man." Natasha was laying on her side, again with a book in her hand and the T.V was paused. She had watched two movies since morning and now was just annoyed with the entire concept of television._

 _"You know, you've gotta stop spoiling Wanda," Steve passed her a bowl, taking the book out of her hand and putting it away, he took his place right next to her. She sat up, cross legged, turning a little to face him._

 _"I'm assuming you got teased by her?" she asked taking a bite._

 _"Not just her, the entire team Nat, they went on about how we are 'doing it,'" he mimicked._

 _"Don't worry, I'll kick their asses tomorrow."_

 _"Nice try. The doctor said you need at least 4 to 5 days off."_

 _"Not happening. I'm okay Steve. I feel absolutely normal."_

 _"Tell that to the bump on your head."_

 _"It's fine. It doesn't hurt. And besides who's gonna save you from those bullies?"_

 _"I'll handle it. You've gotta take it easy for a few days Nat."_

 _"Ughhh…Not working is killing me."_

 _"Stop with the whining. Eat your food."_

 _She huffed, taking in a forkful of cabbage, knowing he won't let her get back to training till the doctor said so. She was genuinely annoyed with staying in bed._

 _To Steve, who didn't show it though, the sight from his side-eye view was adorable, Natasha was almost stuffing the cabbage in her mouth, pissed off with the boredom and the dressing was rather quickly spreading over her face. He really wanted to laugh but didn't want to irritate her anymore._

 _He continued telling her lightly about his day, barely getting a remark without a drop of sarcasm in it. She was almost like a 5-year-old having an attitude._

 _"Jeez Nat, why are you so testy today?"_

 _"I don't wike it." She was barely understandable with all the cabbage in her mouth._

 _"What? You don't like the salad?"_

 _"No, I don't like being bedridden, watching stupid movies and…I don't know okay? I'm just in a bad mood."_

 _"Okay. If there's something bothering you, then you're gonna let me know, okay?"_

 _"Hmmm."_

 _"Nat? Can you look at me?"_

 _"Yeah. What?"_

 _Taking a tissue, Steve softly wiped it off her face while holding on to her chin. He looked up at her eyes, startled and lost, he could feel that something was up, but he was willing to wait for her to open up, giving her all the time and space she required._

 _Taking her empty bowl from her hand along with his, he slowly got up._

 _"I'm going to take these downstairs and bring you an ice pack. When I come back, we're going to talk about whatever's bothering you."_

 _He started walking towards the door._

 _"Steve."_

 _He turned around, her eyes were filled with vulnerability, something had definitely set her off._

 _"I had a nightmare."_

 _He came back and sat right in front of her, not dropping her gaze._

 _"You wanna talk about it?"_

 _"What's there to talk about? It was the usual; Red Room, I was 9 or so and…I remember the terror. A child's terror, one that knew no bounds. Inexplainable and ununderstandable," she almost shuddered a little remembering it, the experience she almost relived just a couple of hours back: A pale face, devoid of any emotion, any expression, except confusion. She was encapsulated in pandemonium, only being able to blink furiously but to no avail. Her vision did not clear, nor did her hear beat calm down, her head throbbed and everything hurt._

 _Steve could see that she was drowning in it once again. He gently placed his hand on top of hers, squeezing it a little. He wasn't pushing her to go on but rather, compassionately bringing her back afloat. She looked up at him, almost a little overwhelmed by his equanimous demeanour, somehow not letting her shatter into broken pieces, giving her the strength to go on. "The blow had really got to me, I guess; my hands were chained, even if they weren't I knew I still couldn't move. Trauma's a good restraint." She smiled at him sadly, shrugging._

 _"Was it because-"_

 _"Maybe…Uh…"_

 _"The protectiveness you felt for Wanda reminded you of that terror."_

 _"I guess so…It's just very unsettling, you know?"_

 _"Nat why didn't you tell me earlier?" he softly asked._

 _"I didn't…I should've, but I just thought forgetting would be best, didn't really work out though," she sighed._

 _"Hey, its okay, you made damn well sure that she's absolutely fine," Steve brought her in for a warm embrace, holding her for a bit. He knew that she was very well capable of taking care of herself, but he wanted to be there, in however many little ways that he could._

 _"And you will never feel that way again cause you are strong enough Natasha, and I get your compulsive need to go and burn it up, kicking ass in the gym, but you need to take it slow." He murmured, while rubbing her back gently._

 _"Okay," she sniffled a little, finally letting go of him. "It still sucks to be locked up here."_

 _"I'm gonna get you an ice pack. The doctor did say to apply one twice a day. Do you want some ice cream?"_

 _"Yeah. And I have to talk to her too, but not right now, in a bit."_

 _"Okay. I'm gonna be right back."_

 _Walking down to get the ice pack and ice cream, Steve remembered how peaceful she looked when he woke up, it upset him knowing that she had to go through that, not even getting to take it all out during training._

 _Entering back in her room with a tub of Belgian Chocolate and an ice pack, he hoped he could help make her feel a tad bit better._

 _"Do you wanna finish this?" he asked handing her the tub and a spoon and placing the ice pack on top of her head._

 _"Nah. Thanks. I think I've had my fill of movies for today."_

 _"Okay then, hey, save some for me," he hopped in beside her, taking in a spoonful._

 _"Have you spoken to Clint lately?" They continued chatting lightly._

 _"Yeah. He's good, having fun with his brood."_

 _"Planning to visit in a bit?"_

 _"Maybe. I mean it all depends on how things go with these missions and stuff," she said, having another spoonful. They were heading towards the bottom of the tub and the tussle began for the last few bits._

 _"Hey!" Steve was grabbing a bite when Natasha knocked his hand out of the way and his spoon fell on the bed, ruining the sheets._

 _"Damn it Cap, you don't even know how to eat now?" she scoffed, bringing her spoon towards her mouth, but Steve suddenly but quickly pried it out of her hand cleverly, taking the bite, smiling proudly, "Mmmm."_

 _"Give it back!"_

 _"Nope. That's what you get for messing with me."_

 _"It's the last one. It's mine. C'mon Steve hand it over, I'm asking nicely," she opened her mouth pointing towards it and Steve couldn't help but chuckle, shaking his head, putting the spoon in her mouth. Her persuasive skills did not even need to be activated when she was around him, one particular look and he was all but melted in her hands._

"Hello? Where's your head at? Steve?" Natasha almost shook him a little, bringing him back to the table.

"Huh? Nothing…I just…miss ice cream" He smiled a little to himself, earning confused looks for almost everyone. Almost…cause well, by the look Natasha gave him, it seemed pretty clear to Wanda and Vision that the duo were lost in their own world, sharing their own private joke.

* * *

 **A/N: Okay, first of all, how many of you get the 'I don't wike it' joke? Gotta love Chris Evans ;D**

 **Okay, so yeah, this chapter was definitely longer than the others and pretty difficult to write too but I loved every part of the writing process. I hope you'll enjoy reading it too. Also, just a heads up, I might take 3 to 4 days for the next chapter cause I'm a tad bit busy this week. Please review guys and let me know whatever you think. Thanks a ton to those who reviewed and yeah, thank you for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The night had been a lot of fun for all of them but soon enough morning came and the former A.I had to leave. He felt pretty content though, spending some good time with Wanda, and them taking their relationship to the next level. The fact that there wasn't any constraint between him and Natasha, Steve and Sam also made him feel at ease.

He spent a couple of minutes snuggled up with Wanda on the porch, they said their goodbyes only with the promise of meeting soon enough, with silent prayers of giving them strength until then.

Finally, it was time, Sam was still asleep, so not disturbing him, he bid farewell to Steve and Natasha, thanking them for their warmth and hospitality, making both the former Avengers along with Wanda chuckle.

"We are really going to miss you, Vision," Natasha told him earnestly, with a soft smile.

"I would too. Along with Happy and Pepper who also really miss your company. Till date he has to endure Ms. Potts' mild sense of humor, reminding him of how well he 'slipped,' all thanks to Natalie Rushman." Natasha chuckled once again, the nostalgia and memories making her feel bittersweet. Things were so much simpler way back then. She hadn't spoken to Pepper in like forever and even though Natasha wasn't too much of a gossiper, she really missed the girl bonding time she had spent with Pepper and Hill, especially before Ultron.

Giving him a goodbye hug, she whispered, "take care of yourself and him too." Her mention of Tony was a bit of a shocker of the A.I, for he was briefly aware of the slight tension between them after their last conversation, but never the less, he was very well acquainted with Natasha's compassion from the very beginning, especially from J.A.R.V.I.S's memories

"Captain Rogers, I must say this bearded look is very becoming on you," he lightly teased.

Steve sighed, turning to Natasha, "you know, this is all your fault. You've spoilt this one and now she's rubbing off on him."

"Whatever old man." The three of them laughed, once again at Steve's expense.

And after a somewhat humorous goodbye, Vision headed back to the compound, and as much as its emptiness daunted him, in his heart, he knew somehow that things would be okay someday. _Someday._

* * *

After a couple of days.

Except for the sound of the engine, everything was absolutely quiet. Wanda, who had gotten a lot better at handling the Quinjet over the past few years hard work, was managing everything and Steve, who had a bad burn on his arm, was sitting at one of the seats not too far from Wanda. Natasha had dislocated her shoulder but she barely felt any pain. She would honestly prefer a little pain over the raging madness she felt, she was hanging out in the back, needing to be entirely alone to handle herself at the moment. She couldn't believe Steve sometimes, _how could he?_ The question was raised by her mind continuously, infuriating her more and more.

Funnily enough their situation was pretty similar to the memory they had laughed at a couple of days before, but only this time, Steve had jumped right in front of Natasha, saving her from getting badly hurt but at the same time, not realizing, he put himself at significant risk, being in the vulnerable position that he was, he could easily have been shot if it wasn't for Wanda, who with her powers, saved the day.

The tension in the air was tangible and so was the brewing of the storm, even though they hadn't mentioned a word about what happened. Wanda knew, this was gonna be bad.

Steve stood up in a couple of minutes, taking out their first aid kit, which had been recently restored with fresh supplies, he headed to the back of the jet towards Natasha. "Let me put your shoulder back."

Natasha stared up at him for a few seconds, conveying a tiny spectrum of the grande, that is, her intense rage. Steve didn't back down though, he understood that she was angry and caught an actual glimpse of it in the field when she had lost it, yelling and swearing away, she even scared the terrorists they were fighting a little. Since then they hadn't spoken.

She stood up, sarcastically swinging up her other arm, she gestured him to lead the way. He sighed, turning back.

She followed him back towards the center of the Quinjet, shrugging out of the upper half of her suit with one hand, she sat at the desired spot in a vest. Steve gave her the aesthetic, after which he followed the procedure to guide the bones back into alignment within the shoulder joint.

Natasha sat there motionlessly, completely ignorant to the pain she was feeling. Once done, Steve brought out an ice pack, placing it on top of the relocated shoulder to reduce the discomfort.

Natasha wasn't in the mood though, "just strap it already."

Steve exhaled loudly, equally annoyed, "so stubborn," he mumbled, finally ticking her off.

"Says the one who always does whatever the fuck he wants to, never giving a shit about this thing called 'consequences.' You always have to prove you're the god damn best, right? Well, congratulations Steve, you saved the damsel in distress, you're my knight in shining armor." Saying that she was mad at him was definitely an understatement.

She stormed off to the back once again, completely ignoring him."Damn it, Natasha! What the hell is your problem, huh?"

He sat down, giving himself a moment to calm down before heading towards Wanda and trading places with her. "Strap her up, will you? And if you can, knock some sense into her." She nodded, understanding his exhaustion with the entire situation. She could see both their sides and understand the reasons for their behavior, but she knew they needed to sort it out themselves and confront each of their demons together.

Steve generally didn't lose his cool so easily but Natasha's resentment filled him up with indignation, he genuinely believed he didn't do anything wrong this time and couldn't understand Natasha's need to feel so angry by it.

Wanda headed towards the back with the bandage in her hands, she approached the angry former redhead hesitantly, "Natasha?"

"Go ahead." She didn't even spare the semi anxious teen a glance, even though Wanda would have really appreciated some guidance with the strapping process, but she did manage somehow.

"Is it fine? Do you need anything else?"

"Just some space."

And with that, Wanda quickly headed back to the center, she won't accept it though, but she was a little intimidated by their fight. It wasn't something she had ever experienced before and it worried her a little. She already missed Vision so much. After some time, when she had gathered up her courage to turn back and check on Natasha, she was almost a little surprised to see her asleep.

* * *

Finally reaching back, Steve got up, heading towards Natasha who was still asleep, while Wanda, meeting Steve's gaze for a brief second, understood his signal easily and headed out.

Steve had calmed down enough during the ride back and decided to approach her once more.

He sat on the seat right next to her and even though he didn't want to wake her up, he knew this was important enough to. "Nat?" He softly called while placing a hand on top of hers.

"Huh?" She sleepily responded, making Steve chuckle inwardly.

"We need to talk." Those words finally woke her up, making her remember whatever happened and from a peaceful expression that graced her face while she slept, her entire demeanor became defensive, worrying Steve a little.

Natasha clenched her fists, determined. "Leave," she snatched her hand from his grasp.

"Natasha please; I know you're mad at me because of what happened earlier but I'm not sorry for it, Nat. I wouldn't have had it any other way." He folded his hands, matching her determination.

"Stop it! Stop pretending like you care about what I feel." She too was exhausted and especially with whatever happened earlier and her current state of mind, she just wanted him gone.

"That's not fair."

"That's not fair? Oh, I'll tell you what's not fair. You acted like an idiot, jumping in front of me trying to 'protect' me. Well, guess what Steve? I'm not your 1930's dame and I don't need _you_ to save me." Her voice was rising with anger, her distress clearly audible and visible.

"I'm sorry if you feel that way. You are my teammate and I will always try to give my best for my team every single time. And what about when you hurt yourself trying to save me? You broke a set of ribs."

"And you almost _died_. For what, huh? What if Wanda hadn't jumped in at the right moment? Can't you fucking realize that I couldn't live with that? The Black Widow is an assassin, a mercenary; I've killed innocent people Steve, a lot of them, without even blinking. No matter what you say, that doesn't change. It's a fact. Why would you throw your life like that, huh? I'm not worth it. I'm not. How could I live with that?" She spat with disgust, tears streaming down her eyes. Saving her was one thing but risking his life for it? That was something she just couldn't take. "You almost died," she whispered once again, realizing the acuteness in those words, the pain in that thought shackled her once again, she was almost shaking now.

Steve was transfixed to his place, his eyes moistened and his heart constricted. It always hurt him to see the way in which her past tormented her but this...this was beyond imagination. Too painful. He was lost, he didn't really know what he could say that could make her see what he truly thinks of her, the way he actually sees her.

"Nat?" He choked, his voice overcome by the impact of his tears, he tried again taking in a shaky breath, "Natasha? Can you please look at me?"

"I can see that I've hurt you but trust me, I never wanted to. How could you say all those things? You are _definitely_ worth it, if you'll just look at me you'll know that I'm not lying," his voice thick with intense emotion, it was clear that he too was on the edge, not able to handle all the emotions that were bubbling up. He took a spot right next to her, putting a hand on her chin, forcing her to look up at his eyes.

Both of their watery eyes met. Tenderness in his and agony in hers, both were starkly visible to the other despite their blurry vision; their tired, heavy eyelids were desperate to blink, ridding themselves of the heavy weight of big, warm teardrops, but they were simply too lost in each others gaze. That one tiny moment, lasted centuries in the both of their worlds and no words could ever be enticed to them to trade it, nothing could fill in its essence or describe it. It was too pure.

The look he gave her almost made her shudder, overwhelming her. It was almost as his pain, the tortuous expression on his face was tearing down her walls, she was losing her touch of semblance, of reality, one that reminded her of who she was in actuality. She just couldn't hold it in any longer. His desperation was making her question everything that was engraved into her since the time she was capable of forming memories and then there was guilt bubbling up inside that was eating on her, for wanting to agree with him, for wanting to believe in what he said.

"Please. I don't think I can take it anymore," she barely made out, breaking down finally, shattering into gut-wrenching sobs. Steve gently pried her hands off her face and pulled her in. She held onto him, clutching the fabric of his t-shirt hungrily, she sobbed, huddled in his chest. He too couldn't hold it any longer, and the both of them wept, leaning in on the other, their presence to each other felt more important than anything at that moment.

"Its okay Nat, let it out, I'm here," he murmured, rubbing her back and holding her close, realizing just how much it was bothering her, making her actually believe those terrible things. It was never easy dealing with things like these, and although he understood the reason for her insecurities, he didn't and he couldn't agree with them; _ever_.

But suddenly realising that she was giving in, losing the battle to her greed she abrasively broke the embrace. She saw his perplexed expression, that easily transformed into hurt as she stood up and hiccupped a strenuous "I'm sorry, Steve," before starting off in the opposite direction.

She could feel just how much she hurt him even though he wasn't in her line of sight anymore, it weighed her down just like the moistness of his tear drops did to her shoulder. She wasn't even sure why she was reacting the way she was but she just had this urge to tell him that he's wrong. He is so wrong. Her compulsive need was led on by the blinding dogma that had been beaten and burned into her.

She almost ran into the woods, somehow wanting to get away from it all, not realising that she was only dragging it along with her. In the middle of nowhere, she finally stopped, dropping down to her knees, she held her head, throbbing with the thrumming beat of her heart and…with painful memories.

Loki's words rung in her ears, _"Can you? Can you wipe out that much red? Dreykov's daughter, Sao Paulo, the hospital fire?…Your ledger is dripping, it's GUSHING red…"_

She went back to the horrors of the red room. _"The ceremony is necessary…for you to take your place in the world," Madame B. stated._

 _"I have no place in the world."_

 _"Exactly."_

Those words repeated in her head over and over again, trying to reestablish their foundation. She remembered how time and again, they proved to be so right. She thought about the conversation she had with Fury after she had just discovered he was alive.

 _"Didn't think you could make it up the stairs." She stated, without sparing him a glance._

 _"It wasn't pretty," he stuttered a little, still groaning from exhaustion._

 _"Here you go," he passed her the Photostatic veil that she'd require for the mission, "Hill just calibrated it."_

 _"Thanks," she smiled a little, standing up with it, but his gaze reminded her of how broken she'd felt. It made her state blankly what she felt. "I thought you were dead, Nick."_

 _He looked down at that, not being able to look in her eye, he dejectedly explained, "I had to keep the circle small," looking back up, he went on, "you would have done the same thing."_

 _"I know," she nodded a little, knowing that what he did was perfectly fair, and he was right, she too would have kept her secret with only a handful of trusted people, but she would have included him._

 _She did genuinely start anew with S.H.I.E.L.D, trusting him and his decisions, she would willingly take up any mission without even knowing the ground reality behind what she was doing, she even lied to Steve for him, but Fury clearly didn't trust her. Even after she gave it her everything, she just couldn't be capable of that one god damn thing no matter how hard she tried: Trust. "That's the problem," she looked away; defeated._

 _And sparing him brief glance, she finally walked away. It was a truly reflective moment for her, making her realize how true some of her belief systems had been. And people had definitely done a great job reminding her of it so often, actually, not often, but rather at the precise moment when she believed that she was worthy of at least some of it._

But after all this, her heart still reeled with the heartbreaking look Steve gave her when she told him all those things, his shaky voice and moist eyes, his expression of utmost honesty. He genuinely meant what he said but could she allow herself to believe it? She just simply didn't know.

* * *

When she finally came back to the safe house, it had been a couple hours and it was dark outside. She entered the house and it looked completely empty, there wasn't a single noise. She headed straight to her room, wanting nothing more than a cold shower and some dreamless sleep. But after a day like today, she knew she could only get the former.

After her shower, she decided to head to the porch for a while, knowing somehow that the room would only make her claustrophobic with its suffocating sadness that it reflected to her through its mirrorless four walls. But when she did open the door, she found Wanda sitting at the steps, she turned her head and patted the space next to her with a soft smile, as if she had been waiting for her since the moment she knew Natasha had returned.

Natasha was a little surprised by Wanda, but hiding her skepticism, she decided to give in and spend some time with her. She occupied the spot next to Wanda and looking directly at her with a raised eyebrow, she stated, "you knew I'd come here but don't think you can get me to talk." Wanda couldn't help but smirk at that.

"You know, since I was ten, it had always been Pietro and me against the world. I still remember how he held me when we were trapped in that building after to the blast. He had saved my life Natasha but even more than that, he'd given me a reason to go on, to live, even when nothing was left." She took in a deep breath staring up at the dull-lit night sky, steadying herself for the next part, knowing it wasn't going to be easy to talk about.

"Losing him was the hardest thing I'd ever have to deal with, it was my worst nightmare, cause at that time, he was all I had, but let me tell you something, as much as I miss him, even today, whenever I remember him, I feel so proud of him…cause I know he did the right thing." She sniffled a little, wiping her eyes.

Natasha rubbed her back gently, understanding how hard it still was for Wanda to talk about it but also realizing how desperate she was to convey something to her that she was still going ahead, pushing herself to go on. "Nat, our job description includes risking our lives almost every day to protect others, people who we never knew even existed, until we give up our lives for them…so I guess sometimes we get a little greedy, tempted to taste the contentment of saving someone whom we already know, we care so deeply about. That feeling of knowing somehow that they'll be okay even though you won't be there to see it is very satisfactory. And no matter what, in that millisecond when you've to make a decision, it's always your priorities that take the call, never your sanity. That's what Pietro did back then…as weird as his relationship with Clint was, he did adore him in ways that no one ever really did know. I mean…he wanted to save that boy too but he also did it for Clint." She rushed up a little towards the end, trying to get her point across.

"I understand, Wanda, it's okay, go on." She gently encouraged her.

"So, yeah…that's exactly what Steve did now, and no matter what you say, I know you would've done the same. Your being mad is understandable but his being instinctive is too."

"But I don't deserve it. I need him to understand that he can't throw his life away like that."

"In that way, I'm responsible for Ultron. I messed up Stark's head and I'm to blame for Lagos, which is basically why the Accords existed and why whatever happened, happened. But even then you've 'thrown away' your life to save me a countless number of times."

"That diff-" she was abruptly cut off but the passionate teenager.

"No, it's not! You can't make boundaries at your own convince. Can you for one second not torment yourself for seeing the truth, the reality of how much you matter!?" Her voice had considerably risen and so did the affect of her words on Natasha, who was almost stunned at the accuracy of Wanda's question.

Natasha sighed, breaking eye contact the moment she realized Wanda had caught her expression. Wanda smiled a little to herself, knowing that her words were making an impact on Natasha from both her reaction and the intensity of emotion she could tangibly feel bubbling inside her due to her powers. They were strong enough for her to almost physically feel their presence. She grasped her mentor's hand and squeezed it, making her look back up to her.

"You know, its only after Pietro that I've realized, we don't have forever Natasha. Especially with our lifestyle, we really can never know which moment is the last one we get to spend with someone that matters. And then that's it. Why would you spend the rest of your life regretting not saying something to someone who mattered so much? Tony does. Steve does. But I don't want you to." Natasha stared at her, it was almost daunting to get the most convincing piece of advice from the one she had taught literally everything relating to their field of expertise. And for once, she couldn't deny, Wanda's words were getting to her, she wiped the few tears that had sneakily escaped her eyes, and enveloped her for a warm hug.

"Wow. You've done some amazing growing up in the past couple of months, huh?" Natasha chuckled, holding her close. "Nope. It's all because of you and Steve."

And finally breaking the hug, Wanda held her gaze once more, "don't mind me, but since I've been around the two of you, I've always felt the way the two of you see each other, it's almost palpable to me. I mean, I don't want to step out of line, but I just want you to know that its pretty simple, you know? This entire complexity of emotions and feelings, you just need to set them free and sit back. They'll do all the work."

"Seriously? You can read off emotions too? That's pretty invasive," Natasha was almost a little astonished.

"It happens unconsciously and only when they're extremely strong emotions people around me are experiencing. But hey, don't miss the point. I'm not trying to probe but I really think you and Steve deserve it. And letting yourself be happy is not a sin, Nat."

"Alright, wise owl. Now go get some sleep, will you?"

"And what about you?"

"You and Steve have given me a great deal to think over, and I guess now will be a good time."

"So you'll be okay?"

"Yes. I already am, thanks to you. I'm very proud of the way you've been handling things, Wanda. And you're not to blame for anything that has happened, okay?" Wanda nodded and snuggled up in another bear hug, after a couple of minutes she finally headed inside, leaving Natasha with her thoughts.

And if one thing Natasha was sure of after that was that it was definitely going to be a long night.

* * *

 **A/N - Hey guys! So yeah, the scene between Natasha and Nick was a deleted scene from CATWS and it definitely was one of my very favorites. I really wish it hadn't been deleted.**

 **This chapter was pretty heavy and I guess the next one will be too but I really hope you guys liked it. Please, please, please review and let me know whatever you think! Thank you for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 **"Crying does not indicate that you are weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you are alive." ~ Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre.**

 **Warning : Unapologetic angst and a lot of tears ahead.**

She sat there in the eerie silence, thoroughly consumed by the nights tranquility, physically alone but in her earnest, she couldn't deny that warmthness she felt from the enveloping blanket of memories, ironically, as much as she despised them on hard nights, it was only because of them somehow that she got to experience some of the most beautiful emotions ever, it was only after remembering feeling disgusted so closely that she felt love, in its utmost percipience, and its strength always overpowered the hurt. And so, she let her mind wander off, figuring out for itself what was real and what wasn't.

Natasha remembered how when she had started to develop the lullaby with Bruce early on, with all the flirting and spending time with each other, how Steve never ever changed his approach towards her. He never distanced himself because she was attracted to Bruce. He was still her first phone call on a hard night, the first one she would approach if she needed someone to talk to, she even eavesdropped his conversation with Bruce about both of them 'deserving a win,' and she couldn't be more grateful to him for that. She could tell that he had just wanted her to be happy, with whom so ever it was, but even so, he never stopped being there. The way they'd trusted each other hadn't changed. Not one bit.

Wanda's words took her back to her conversation with Clint after the Ultron episode. She could recall it so clearly, the essence of his words still resonated in her ears.

The two of them were chilling after dinner in his room. It was his last night there and the day had been pretty straining because it was the day of Pietro's funeral. The entire experience was pretty heartbreaking, especially seeing Wanda and how broken she was, it wasn't easy at all.

 _"Are you sure you don't wanna come along? I'm pretty sure Fury would happily give you an off and the kids would be so excited to spend some time with their aunt."_

 _"I know but I don't think now is a good time. I mean there's a lot of work to be done with the new recruits plus dealing with the remnants of Sokovia and the new compound needs to be managed too. I don't want to leave Steve completely overburdened with everything."_

 _"With everything that's been going on in your world are you sure you don't want a break?"_

 _"Clint. I'm fine. I've told you that like a billion times."_

 _"But seriously Nat? Banner? I mean what were you even thinking?"_

 _"I wasn't. Let it go now, will you?"_

 _"You know, when we were on our way to Sokovia, there was this moment…Steve was discussing whose gonna head where and stuff and that guy, he just stated that he gonna get you and then you both are gonna take a back seat. Tony almost snickered at that and I'm not lying when I say that all of us OG Avengers, except Bruce that is, felt the exact same way. No one said anything though but the look I shared with Steve, that made it pretty clear that he too with all his heart believed that you'd fight. And you did, you rather even hulked him out." He chuckled at that. But Natasha didn't, her mind was still too occupied with what had happened._

 _"Tasha, I don't mean to hurt you, but I've gotta say this, you don't need to be with someone who undermines you or just because you think that he shares your self-hatred you two could bear each other. You deserve someone who has the ability to see the real you behind this façade you put up. And hey, I need to approve of him first." She chuckled a little at that, blinking a couple of times, trying to subdue the moistness in her eyes, she leaned on his shoulder._

 _"So you would have disowned me if I ran away?" She half-joked, but Clint could easily read off the unease behind that question._

 _"Retiring and disbanding the team are two very different things. And I know you well enough to know and hope that someday you might retire willingly, but you would never leave in medias res," she smirked at his terrible attempt at Latin._

 _"I'm really gonna miss you though."_

 _"I bet you are cause I'm the best."_

 _"Shut up you idiot. I'm probably gonna see you and the fam around Christmas but don't tell Lila beforehand else she'll eat you up."_

 _"You're probably gonna end up on her Christmas wishlist anyway." She chuckled at that, knowing how much fun it would be to surprise her little one like that._

 _"Hey," she sat upright, turning around to face him once again. "I don't want you to feel guilty with whatever happened to Pietro. It was his choice and you aren't to be blamed in any way."_

 _"Yeah. It just overwhelms me a little…thinking about it that way. With whatever he'd gone through and with everything that had happened to him, he really didn't shy away. I just feel like how much more precious my life becomes after this, like I've gotta really make it a good one, Tasha, for his sake, you know? That little punk, he had a real big heart."_

 _"Yeah, that's true."_

 _"I want you to remember this too, that we only have a handful of the forevers, we believe in we have otherwise. You've gotta let yourself breathe a little through life."_

Natasha's mind went back to their brief interaction during Sokovia after Bruce had let her out and she almost chuckled at the memory.

 _"Avengers we're leading the civilians to the Townhall, try to meet us there." The moment Steve saw her heading towards him, he moved forward with Wanda towing behind._

 _"Rogers."_

 _"Romanoff." The brief nod they shard was more than any courteous question of 'are you okay?'_

 _"Is that my jacket?"_

 _Steve turned his head towards Wanda and stated, "she's with us."_

 _"Still doesn't explain the jacket." It was one of Natasha's favorite jackets but the truth of the matter was that she wasn't entirely in the mood to spare the teen, especially with what all she had done with Ultron and particularly, the memory she has shown her._

 _"Fighting these robots is getting us nowhere," Steve almost quickly cut her off, aiding Wanda's discomfort. The teen exhaled, looking away, she was already pretty shaken with whatever that was going on and Natasha's Black Widow stance wasn't particularly helping._

 _"The air's getting thin. If we go up much higher people are gonna start dropping," Clint stated while passing Natasha some of his armor and one of her guns he'd especially gotten for her from the compound._

 _Wanda's emotions were almost all over the place; there was guilt, fear and anxiety. And all together it was eating her up. She knew she had to do something. "There are people in the city still hiding."_

 _"Steve nodded, "root 'em out." She instantly started off, desperate somehow to find some equilibrium. "Barton," Steve pointed his eyes in her direction and Clint, not missing a beat stated, "I got her six."_

 _Natasha was a little surprised by his protectiveness, she glanced a brief look from the running teen behind, to him slowly, who was starting to pick up pace behind her. "What?" Barton asked but she, ignoring him, looked up at Steve, knowing that she had a lot of catching up to do, she decided to concentrate on what was needed to be done._

 _She walked up to him, knowing that, like all the other combat missions, they're going to be doing this one other too. "And us?"_

 _"We fight robots." With that she finally pulled out her batons, ready to kick some robot ass._

 _Pietro ran in with his enhanced metabolism, handing Steve a robot arm. "Today? We fight robots today? Or is next month better for you?!"_

 _And with an amused smile on their faces, the two of them ran along, ready to face the battle together._

She remembered the moment they'd met, it was all serious and professional, but she could see his lack of surprise, with the fact that she was alive, with the fact that she decided to fight instead of running away, but only to realize that he'd expected no less from her. 'Clint was right,' she thought. That was one of the things she really adored about Steve, he never considered her any less, never undermined her abilities.

Natasha's thoughts drifted off to how broken she felt after Bruce had left. With everything that was going around, she didn't even have Clint to talk to, but she could never even for a second say that she was lonely at any particular period of time, all thanks to Steve, who had always been there. He was her first phone call whenever she was upset or when she needed a sparring partner at 3 in the morning.

She mused on one particularly hard night, but also one which made her feel so much better about the entire ordeal.

 _"I wanted to run away, Steve. I wanted to hide," she stated, almost broken, shame and disappointment visible on her face._

 _"But you didn't. The important thing is that you didn't when the moment actually came."_

 _"I don't even know why I didn't. I thought…I could be happy then. I could just forget about everything and…I don't know why I don't regret it…not running away. With or without him. But I just…"_

 _"You weren't wrong wanting it; peace, happiness. But running away isn't really your thing, Nat. It never was. You face challenges Natasha, you fight them off with your bare hands. And that is who you truly are."_

 _"How can you say that?"_

 _"Cause I know you. And contrary to your plausibility, you're not a monster Nat," he said, looking at her, a small smile graced his lips, compassion and sincerity poured out of his words, the impeach of which threw her off the edge, once again._

 _Natasha looked at him, stunned. She had called her self a monster in front of Bruce. Something he didn't even care to respond to. She never thought Steve heard it._

 _"Bu-"_

 _"Hold up, Nat. Stop being so hard on yourself. It's okay. It was a hard time. The memory Wanda had reminded you of along with the other things would make anyone lose it. And you didn't. I know you were attracted by the similarity in both of yours self-deprecating natures. You felt like the two of you could bear each other cause you both think the same way about yourselves."_

 _"I felt like…I could deserve him." She choked, stating the truth in its utmost form; raw, brutal. Tears streamed down her eyes, warm and painful ones at that admission._

 _Steve pulled her in. Holding her close, he rubbed her back gently. Natasha grabbed onto his t-shirt, burying her head in his chest. Her mind bursting with memories, emotions and pain._

 _"It's okay Natasha. Let it out. I'm right here," he comfortingly told her, knowing that if she wanted to, she could hold everything inside and wear any emotion she'd want to on her face and that too very convincingly._

 _The entire conversation, her pain and Steve's gentle encouraging murmurers let her break the dam. She started sobbing and he continued to hold her, with moist eyes though. It hurt him so much to see her this broken, but even more when she tried to hold it in._

 _They stayed like that for a long time and finally when Natasha had calmed down enough, Steve gently picked her up in bridal style, startling her a little. He took her in and settled her on the bed and then he got in beside her, pulling her on top of him and tucking her well in the blanket, he held her so securely and all while, Natasha stared up at him, awestruck, with red-rimmed green eyes, only to notice the dampness in his._

 _It almost felt a little strange to be this comfortable while being so close to each other in fleeting moments of vulnerability, whether hers or his. They were only fleeting cause they were chased down, hunted upon so efficiently by the other._

'His assertiveness, in holding me so closely was necessary', she thought, analysing the situation, 'to prove me wrong…and he did.'

 _He softly placed a kiss on top of her head. And continued to rub her back every time she stuttered from the impact of her sobs. If insecurities were to be treated like this, then she would never have to feel exposed again._

 _Steve knew that Natasha was very capable of watching her back, but when it came to moments like these, he got very protective of her._

 _After about 10 to 15 minutes, when she had calmed down enough and almost asleep, Steve was a little surprised when in an almost worn out voice, she emotionlessly stated, "maybe I'm not meant for love."_

 _He gently lifted up her chin to make her look at him. "That is not true Natasha." And she searched, searched in the sea of his baby blue eyes, for any slight spectrum of deception, a slight twinge of a lie, but she couldn't find any._

 _Sighing, exhaustedly she nestled back in, deciding to confront that demon some other time._

 _And once he was sure she was asleep, he softly whispered, "one day, whenever you're ready, you're gonna let me show you just how much I love you." But this was that part of the story that Natasha didn't remember because she was genuinely sound asleep, tucked and cozy, safe in his warmth._

 _And even though Steve's body was attracted to the idea of sleep, his mind was too determined not to. He wanted to engrave this memory in his mind, as if saving this soothing emotion for later, somehow to appease him and make himself certain that he tried his best to be there for her as much as he could, because no matter what, he'd always felt a little guilty for not being able to be there for her as much he wanted to, he'd always feel like it was less no matter what, for not approaching her sooner, when he had heard her call herself a monster in front of Bruce._

 _And though they did have a crazy, stressful day planned ahead of them, if you could see the tranquility on their faces, you would know that they'd prefer nights like these, with intense conversations and overwhelming emotions, facing their demons right next to each other over any other night of unsatisfactory sleep._

Suddenly, she had a compelling urge to see Steve, even if he was all but asleep. She just needed to be around him, with all of whatever was going on in her head, she felt incredibly unstable. She swiftly got up and almost ran inside, straight up to his room and didn't even bother to knock. She sighed as well as shuddered at the sight in front of her: Steve, completely awake, was standing beside the window, staring out at the rusty night sky, one which had no stars, but still contained in it's vastness, a sea full of galaxies. He didn't turn around though, he was completely oblivious to her presence. _Strange._

She moved in and stood beside him, trying to get a glimpse of his face in the dim lit room. He was definitely lost in deep thought, but by his reaction, it was clear to her that he too, like her, had been awake the entire time.

"Couldn't sleep, could you?"

"After a day like today, I don't think I even wanna try." He smirked a little, finally looking at her.

"Why? Afraid you'd wake up in the ice?"

"Yes."

Natasha sighed, looking down, breaking the gaze they held each other with. Her question and his admission really didn't help with her brewing feelings of guilt and sadness. It was consuming her and now, seeing him like this, she felt even worse.

She looked back up, and very gently, she pulled him in for a much-needed hug. He was a little surprised by it first, but soon enough melted in, his emotions, just like hers, were scattered everywhere. Natasha could feel his tears moisten her shoulder, and it broke her heart, knowing that she had hurt him so much, making him cry yet again. "I'm really sorry Steve. I never wanted to hurt you. It's just that I can't imagine losing you…not saving me at least."

"But Nat-"

She held back, placing her palm on his cheek, "I know. I understand your instinct too, but Steve, I need you to know that you've kept me alive all these years by being there with me. I would have been long gone…given up way back if you weren't there to give me a reason." She fought those words out through her tears, trying to maintain her equilibrium with as much effort, as much as she just wanted to curl up with him and cry.

"You can rationalize your impulse to save me by saying that I'd do it too and you're right, I would. But you can't curtail my anger at the thought of losing you… _I can't_." A sob escaped her mouth at those last words, and he pulled her back into his arms, wanting to be close to her just as much she did. Somehow he only understood this part now, how she was afraid of losing him, even though he knew very well what it felt like, he couldn't decipher her anger against it until now.

"I couldn't live with it, Steve. I've carried a lot of baggage from all these past years, but this..." She sobbed, being as honest as she could. At this point, she knew she needed to show her vulnerability, to make him understand why what he did was so wrong.

"Hey...shhh...we're going to talk about this in a bit okay? But I need you to calm down first. Let's just cool down for a moment. I know you've had a rough day and all of this is terribly stressful."

They stayed like that for a few more minutes; guileless and unashamed of their inclination towards each other. Their presence, to one another was a desideratum. Finally finding some comfort after the unbearably long, tiresome day.

After the both of them had considerably calmed down, it was his turn to speak. Holding her gaze with as much fervor, he started pouring down his mind. "Neither can I imagine losing you, Nat. And as much as your mind tells you that you don't deserve me, you need to know that I can't go on without you. I don't have that… _strength_ to lose someone again."

"Steve I-"

"Shhh. Do you trust me?"

"You know I do."

"Then please believe me when I say that you are _not_ your past. Yes, you've done bad things with your own hands, but you didn't have a _choice_ , Natasha. You were dehumanized in ways I couldn't even imagine, brainwashed into believing things about yourself that were never true. What about all the bad things that happened to you, huh? You've never even accounted for them. I've almost lost Bucky because of this, they electrocuted it into him, but with you, they replaced the code by all of these torturous techniques that torment you till date. Can't you see that you're the biggest victim of it all? Cause with each and every life they made you take, you killed a part of yourself too. Don't…please just _don't_ let them dictate your life anymore Natasha. I beg you." Passionate tears were flowing down his cheeks, it was as if the dam had finally burst, he poured his heart out to her, almost drowning her in the flood of his solemnity.

He gently held her face with his hands, wiping the warm, thick teardrops with his thumbs, he paused for a brief second, letting the gravity of his words sink in.

"It doesn't make me selfish, does it?" She choked, hiding in the crook of his neck again, somehow still afraid of his answer. But he held her back, holding in his emotions too somehow, making her see through his deep baby blues once again, "I swear it doesn't."

She fell back in, and this time, he willingly held on too, his desire to make her see somehow just how much she mattered to him finally took over, making him shudder as a powerful sob wrecked his body, its impact shaking her to her core too. She held him as closely as she could, rubbing his back gently while soaking his T-shirt by her own tears.

As physically and mentally draining the entire situation was, it was also an emotional catharsis for the two former Avengers and neither of them realized how or when the night flew by, and the soft, subtle first rays of dawn found them huddled up in a tiny burrito in Steve's bed, cozily wrapped up together in the same warm woolen shawl that the two of them adored. And even though Natasha and Steve had always enjoyed the luxury of complete honesty and comfort in each others presence, their confession and confrontation the previous night had finally opened doors towards leading a life they deserved, with the ones who they truly felt for.

Because after all, Forever isn't a frame of time one encaptures, no one can, as Clint and Wanda perfectly stated. But rather it is this rigorous process of giving someone a reason to make their heartbeat and grasping the one that they provide you with all your might, entering into an infinite loop with it. Forever is achieved only when its elucidation becomes unfathomable.

And so, with the gentle strokes of the morning light that gleamed with joy at their precious enclosement, they took their first step into Forever.

* * *

 **A/N : Hey guys! So I just wanted to mention that this fic isn't really adventure centric, as you might have noticed in the genres mentioned. And yeah, I know there are a lot of emotions, especially tears, expressed by not just one but rather, both the main characters. That's my way of interpreting them, I guess, but I also felt the need to say this: to me, crying, or expressing any form of vulnerability in front of someone who doesn't judge you, rather empathises and is compassionate, is a form of a luxury, one than not everyone can afford, simply because they aren't surrounded by those kind of people. Providing these characters, whom I adore, with this kind of space, doesn't in any form portray them as 'weak' nor does it in any manner, question or derogate from their abilities and strengths, it just rather brings out this human layer in them in dealing with something that is so personal to them. So yeah, I don't mean to insult anyone either, but I just wanted to express my need to present both Natasha and Steve, that is, as characters pertaining the capacity of emotional meltdowns, but not in any way, ridicule their personality or reputation. I hope you guys understand.**

 **By the way, the Sokovia interaction is a real deleted scene from AoU and, yeah, I just wanted to mention it.**

 **Thank you for the feedback, to those who reviewed, and a special thanks to SswolfsS, for being there to motivate me after every single chapter. Thanks buddy, I really appreciate it :) The next chapter is in progress. Thanks for reading!**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Deserts of Rajasthan, India.

It had been a couple of weeks since their confrontation, and they had a plan laid out for their next mission, only this one included Sam, who was finally doing much better and had almost returned to his usual self.

This was another one of the bases they had to get through, their plan was set to cross the border and attack one of the major bases early in the morning the following day. They had their Quinjet securely parked in a deserted area, and Steve and Natasha pretended to be one of the touristy couples who had come here to explore the beauty and enjoy the solitude of the magnificent place.

Though they did have a laugh over it through their planning process, getting a little teased by Sam.

 _"So finally, huh? You guys get to be who you really are." Sam elbowed Steve, earning a pointed look from both him and Natasha._

 _"Wanda you're on my side in this one!"_

 _Wanda walked over towards him with a sly smile, "yeah, you're right. Just like you always get to be your true self. An idiot." The three of them snickered at his expense. Wanda smugly earned a pat on her back by Natasha, "you're learning lil' one."_

 _"C'mon man," he huffed, cornered by all of them._

 _They continued with their discussion, setting up each one's task and their precise location; the entire layout of the plan being thoroughly analyzed in great detail. And once finally done with it, Natasha smirked, "I think we've reached the stage where one of us should snap a picture and post it on those sleazy social media sites and label it with a catchy name for our squad."_

 _"How 'bout 'The Winter Soldier gang,' huh? Cause technically while we were getting beat up by him we found 'purpose,'" Sam joked, making everyone laugh. "Not you though," he suddenly turned towards Wanda with mock seriousness, "were you even born that time?"_

 _"Shut up birdbrain."_

Now, while Sam and Wanda were off to their respective tasks, gathering all the intel they could, Steve and Natasha had a few hours to inspect the area, do a brief mapping and interact with locals to get all possible information regarding the border activities. It didn't take them long though, and they had the luxury to spend some peaceful moments of the night sitting not too far from the bonfire but secluded enough in the dark to not be noticed. The chilly winter breeze and the aroma of the desert along with some folk music and dance performed in a nearby distance gave them the most spectacular view, they sat cozily on a mat, nestled up with their shawl, completely falling in character so naturally, it almost felt strange.

The sky was filled with beguiling, shimmering stars, that now, like the two of them and their feelings, felt no compulsion to remain hidden, displaying their magnificence so splendidly.

"So what about Sharon huh?"

"You mean the nurse?"

"She's not a nurse…" Natasha almost snickered, feeling the nostalgia. "And Sam told me you kissed her?" She raised her eyebrows a little, feigning curiousness.

"Umm…it was awkward. I owed her for the help...and with the look she gave me, I didn't know what else to do."

"Wow, Rogers. When you don't know what to do, just kiss somebody. That seems like a plan," she teased.

He blushed for a brief moment after which suddenly remembering, he stated, "You don't say. You're the one who was after my life to go on a date with her."

"Yeah, yeah. It was an amazingly humorous situation to see you awkward and flustered, but then again, those girls were after my life."

"Yeah right. I bet they were also trapped by your persuasive skills."

"Hah! My persuasive skills? How about your persuasive physique? I bet no one needs any convincing after that."

He blushed furiously, almost whining, "Nat!"

"What? Don't mind me, old man. I'm just bringing to light all the obnoxious drooling you've been completely ignorant too."

"Obnoxious? Seriously?" He snickered, "so you've been jealous all this while, huh?"

"Yeah, Rogers," she rolled her eyes, "I've been so jealous that I've continuously set you up on dates with all those stupid girls." She sarcastically stated.

"Stupid? Hmmm…most of them were S.H.I.E.L.D agents so I won't question their intellect though, but hey, you did come and make a splatter on quite some occasions."

"Oh, shut it. The Black Widow doesn't get jealous."

Steve chuckled at that. "Whenever you don't have an answer, you refer to yourself in third person. It's one of Clint's patent tricks, but you can't seem to pull it off just yet." He smugly went on, "I got you this time, didn't I?"

"Alright fine," she huffed, "you win this one."

"Yes!" He dramatically exclaimed, making her chuckle. She grasped his hand and squeezed it gently, "you're lucky your cute."

They continued to chat lightly for a bit, but after a while, both of them were quiet, completely absorbed in the tranquility of the experience, snuggled up in each other's vicinity.

"Steve?" Natasha suddenly broke out of the trance state, realizing the essence of the moment and wanting to share it with him.

"Hmm?"

"This is it isn't it? The time that we'll miss when we go back?"

"You bet. This level of simplicity is almost overwhelming, it's striking. Everything is just…"

"…enough. Enough for them, enough for us."

Turning his head towards her, Steve looked at her, the sea of his baby blue eyes reflected the stars, making her shudder by the impact of that same unnamed emotion she felt earlier, but only now she could truly embrace it, drowning in its vastness, letting it consume her. She felt alive, vibrant with it, and so did he. They didn't want it to cease, the entire experience along with each other's company was so surreal, unparalleled and most definitely impassible.

"I don't want it to end, ever. Even though I know it will…so let me say this before I reach to the stage where I'd have to add it on my regrets list." He confessed sincerely, knowing that he had to do this, for if anyone understood missed opportunities and misfortunate mishaps well enough, it definitely was Steve Rogers.

Natasha's eyes anticipated what was coming, moist with the terrifying feeling that the turmoil of emotions inside her caused. She knew exactly where this was heading, just like she knew him, far too well, sometimes, even more than her own liking.

"Nat, even though we've talked about this and I know that you understand me better than anyone, we've always shared this unspoken communication but I wanna say this to you, out loud, right here," taking in a deep breath, and getting himself together, he went on, "Natasha Romanoff, I love you, I've always loved you, as a friend, a partner, a teammate, and you've always been there when I've needed you, but now I think I'm in love with you, the real you, the whole of you, and I think I've been in love with you for a while, I just didn't want to overboard you with all of this…I know that you've been conditioned to think of yourself in a certain way for an extended period of your life, but I want you to believe me, please, you are in each and every way deserving of love and a life where you can live…be who you are. We've spent the past few years risking our lives, protecting others and now I want to continue doing that…but just allowing the both of us to live our lives together along the journey too."

Natasha's face was tear-stained, but her eyes couldn't blink, she couldn't miss any second of this, his tenderness, sincerity and vulnerability, he poured all three right in front of her, making her want to live in the moment for the rest of her life.

A sob escaped her mouth, and stuttering, she barely managed to speak, overcome by the immensity of their emotions. " _I love you too Steve,_ and I…" she hiccupped again, unable to comprehend any more, he pulled her in, rubbing her back.

"It's okay…shhh…you don't need to say anything else."

She let go of him, looking up at him, at his soft baby blue eyes, and before getting lost in them again, she pulled him in, kissing him passionately, with fervor, pouring all of it inside, not holding back, she definitely couldn't express how she felt at his admission in any better way, words weren't enough, and Steve, though at first was taken aback, didn't take long to respond, matching her vigor.

Their make-out session continued, their passion only extending until they heard a giggle. Natasha stopped, turning her head around, finding the source of it, a 7-8-year-old boy, holding, what she presumed to be, his little's sister's hand. The younger child must be around 3-4 years old and seemed confused as to what they'd just witnessed.

Natasha pursed her lips and put her finger on them, "shhh," she pretended to form a secret with them, making the both of them nod their heads with seriousness and then she suddenly winked a little, making the kids giggle once again and finally before running off, they waved their hands and Steve and Natasha did too, sharing a chuckle.

"So was I any better from last time?"

"You mean the escalator kiss? well, you clearly didn't practice so…"

"And, how do you know that?"

"Oh you have? I'm sorry, I really couldn't figure that out. Guess you're gonna have to practice harder," she pulled him in once again.

* * *

"God damn it! The bleeding's not stopping," Steve panically moved about, pulling out another sterile gauze.

"Natasha stay awake!" He almost chided her, as if she was doing it on purpose. Natasha groaned, almost on the verge of passing out.

"Steve she's losing consciousness," Sam stated, checking her breath, "we're gonna have to turn her over and start CPR."

While the two of them struggled, trying to somehow keep her alive, Wanda was desperately trying to contact Dr. Cho, but it just wasn't working out. "Steve, I'm not getting any response!" She frantically called out, losing her mind.

"Hill. Contact Hill somehow. She'll know what to do," he responded, his hands and mind still occupied, trying to somehow get a hold of the brutal stab wound in Natasha's arm, which was profusely bleeding. "It looks like the Axillary artery's hit. The pulse's stabled a bit, we'll return to the recovery position, roll her onto her side," Sam stated, and the two of them turned her back, continuing with the process of applying pressure. Sam had been a pararescue after all, and his skill set definitely came in handy at the moment.

While all of this was going on in the center of the Quinjet, in the cockpit, Wanda had finally got connected to former S.H.I.E.L.D agent Maria Hill and was extracting the coordinates for Dr. Helen Cho's lab in Korea. Since the distortion of the Avengers, they didn't know whether the highly skilled doctor who developed the cradle for tissue regeneration, was at the compound or back in her lab in South Korea.

"And can you let her know we're coming?"

"Already got to her. She's prepping up."

"Thanks, Hill. We'll keep you updated."

"Sure. Keep her conscious till you land."

With the jet on its highest speed, they rushed towards their destination, somehow keeping her alive, but the bleeding still hadn't reduced a lot, which worried the three of them.

"Please, Nat…please don't give up," Steve whispered, again and again, hoping somehow that she could hold on, just a bit longer.

Once they'd finally reached, the moment the Quinjet landed on the rooftop, Cho's medical team swarmed in and took over, taking the almost unconscious former Avenger inside. Helen immediately started examining the wound and the cradle was ready for her.

The three of them followed behind, their disarray and worry clearly visible. They weren't able to understand the conversation Cho had with her team in Korean but nonetheless, the eyes were set upon whatever was happening through the glass wall.

They applied pressure to finally stop the bleeding and cleaned up the wound with an antiseptic briefly before putting her in the newly developed, even more efficient cradle. Helen monitored the process for a couple more minutes before heading towards her desperately anxious teammates.

"She's going to be absolutely fine." The three of them sighed, relieved. Steve closed his eyes, running his hand across his forehead, he exhaled the shaky breath he'd been holding.

"Jesus H. Christ!" Sam exclaimed, while Wanda almost startled the doctor by clasping her in her arms.

All of them, Steve, Sam and Wanda, had gotten really scared for the brief amount of time since she'd gotten stabbed brutally on the field. Natasha almost immediately lost her balance and she would have terribly hit the ground if it wasn't for Steve. She was almost paralyzed, barely blinking and cooperating. Something like this had never happened to her before in their presence.

"There is blood loss but it isn't too extensive and we're sure her system can manage. It's about three pints. I must say, you brought her in at the right time. The regeneration cradle will do its work in about an hour since her injury is substantial. We've kept her sedated as of now to prevent any further exertion, and for the cradle to function properly there has to be absolutely no movement and we know how fidgety Agent Romanoff is about wounds." She lightly joked at the end, making each of them softly snicker.

"Thank you so much, Helen. I can't even imagine what we would've done without you."

"I'm glad I could help, Captain Rogers. You'll be able to meet her in about two hours or so once she's finally awake."

"No signs of infections or anything right?"

"It looks fine, but we'd prefer to keep her here a day or two just for observation. The three of you can get your scapes and bruises looked up if you'd like."

* * *

While Sam was getting one of his gashes bandaged, Steve and Wanda sat on the chairs in that room, it was right across Natasha's and empty enough for them to wait for the next two hours.

The medic who was finished up with Sam, turned towards them, "do you need any assistance with a wound?"

"Thank you. We're okay." Wanda responded, Steve's mind being too occupied.

And once he finally left, Sam approached him, "hey man, you doing okay?"

"Yeah. It was just pretty exhaustive…all that worry. Really got to me for a bit."

"She's going to be okay. She always is." Wanda reassured.

"I know. But I don't sit so well with her professionalized habit of keeping everyone on the edge."

* * *

It had been about half an hour since, and Wanda, after sitting with the boys for a bit, decided to call Hill and inform her about Natasha, while Sam, completely exhausted and still a little weak from his gunshot wound, passed out on the bed the room had, leaving Steve alone with his thoughts once again.

His mind reeled back to flashbacks and memories, throughout the entire ordeal when his thoughts lingered with fear of losing her, he couldn't help but feel so defeated with life. And now, finally winning over, he had so much that overthrew him from all those years.

He remembered his conversation with Peggy after he thought he'd lost Bucky.

 _"It's not your fault."_

 _"Did you read the report?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"Then you know that's not true."_

 _"You did everything you could." Steve looked down, defeated, but she went on, "did you believe in your friend? Did you respect him?" Those words finally made him look up to her, with watery eyes. "Then stop blaming yourself. Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice. He damn well must have thought you were worth it."_

 _"I'm goin' after Schmidt. I'm not gonna stop until all of Hydra is dead or captured."_

 _"You won't be alone."_

Ironically enough when he'd actually lost her, it was Natasha who had been there for him, despite them being stuck over the Accords fiasco, she still dropped by, diverting from her route to Vienna, all the way, just to make sure he was okay.

 _"I didn't want you to be alone."_

He remembered how much her honest admission touch the chords of his heart. _Peggy wasn't wrong after all._

"Steve?" Wanda took her spot back right next to him, "hey, Natasha's a fighter. She's gonna be just fine. Please don't cry."

He wiped the few tears that had escaped his eyes and turning his head towards her, he smiled a little, "she's also a complete idiot," making her chuckle.

"There's absolutely no denial in that."

* * *

Approximately 2 hours later.

Natasha's waking up was awaited, and so, all three of her teammates were present in her room, along with Helen, who was routinely checking her vitals.

"Everything looks fine. But she might take a little longer to wake up, she seems pretty knocked out."

"Well we're all pretty accustomed with her laziness, so we're kinda used to it doc," Sam joked.

"Alright well I'm going to head over to some other requirements and I'll be back to check on her in a bit. And once again, you need not worry." She smiled, leaving the three of them there with an unconscious Natasha.

After a rather long moment of silence, Wanda spoke, "we are pretty much done with the major bases, right?"

"Yeah. There might be a few others, but we've not caught up much about them till now, so we'll probably wait for a while. And anyway, after all these continuous draining set of missions, I'd think we'd all prefer a break." Steve stated.

"Oooo, I second that," Sam jumped right in.

"Steve, have you spoken to Clint lately? It feels like it's been so long since I've met him." Wanda asked.

"Not really. I'm sure he's good though, spending some long overdue time with his family."

"Yup, his kids are adorable, I remember the last time I met them we had so much fun, Cooper and his legos made everyone go crazy, and the toddler…he was so cute, and what was the name of that girl that clung to Nat? Umm…"

As she was trying to remember, her thoughts were broken by a hoarse voice,"…Lila. Her name's Lila."

"Natasha!" Wanda jumped excitedly giving her the gentlest hug ever, albeit her excitement.

"Well, well. Look who decided to wake up." Same teased, making her smile a little.

And as surprised and genuinely happy as Steve was, he was transfixed to his spot, immobile, his gaze not leaving hers right from the moment his head jerked up at her voice, and although overwhelmed with emotion, he still managed a small, "hey, Nat."

"I'm gonna go get the doctor," Sam said, dragging Wanda along with him, who was still excitedly hovering over her tired mentor, "and I'll need your help." He knew Steve had a lot going on in his head even after they were told that Natasha would be fine, and giving them a couple of moments privacy was the least he could do.

Natasha scoffed at the sight of a confused Wanda, who very quickly with one look understood Sam's idea, and in the most unconvincing manner, she pretended that she needed to help him. _After all that training, she still can't lie, not to my face at least._

And once they were gone, Steve moved up to her, taking his place on her bedside. She gently held his hand, "I'm really sorry for scaring you, Steve."

"Yeah. You'd better be."

"What's been eating you up?"

"I was this close to losing you…and it reminded me of a couple of memories. I felt like I haven't thanked you enough for always being there, Nat. You were there when I lost everyone else and I can't even put in words how grateful I am for that."

Natasha tried to sit up, and with a little bit of Steve's help she gladly did, enveloping him in an embrace and after sharing an intimate kiss, she looked up in his watery baby blue eyes, and with brute honestly, she stated, "I love you, Steve. And you don't need to thank me for showing you that. _Ever_."

"I love you too. So much." She held him back, gently wiping his eyes once more, "no more tears Cap. I've already drowned in the sea of your baby blues. Now you'll cause a flood."

He laughed a little at that, "but you know what the best part is? At least I don't have to regret telling you just how much I love you."

"I'm glad I won't end up on your regrets list," she winked, they both shared a small laugh once again, but deep down, the satisfaction of those words made them breathe a little easier. Knowing how much it mattered.

"I kind of like Wanda's idea. We should take a break and head over to Clint's. I miss them."

Steve nodded his head in agreement, he too wanted nothing more than some time away from explosions. Placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, he stood up, "I gonna go get the doctor now. Those two are really unreliable."

"And terrible actors. I feel fine though."

Steve rolled his eyes, "You still need to take it easy for a couple of days though. You did lose a lot of blood."

"Yes nurse Rogers," she sweetly teased. Steve chuckled a little, _some things never really change._

* * *

 **A/N : Hey guys! I know it's been long but I've been really busy with a bunch of things so I'm sorry. The next chapter might take a while too. Please review! And yeah, thanks a ton for reading!**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

After Helen had taken a look at Natasha and checked the stab wound that had been regenerated by the cradle, she was deemed fine, but the doctor still stressed for her to take it easy for a couple of days because of the strenuous amount of blood loss. Sam and Wanda had headed out to get some dinner packed for all of them, while Natasha and Steve continued to chat lightly in her room.

"I feel like I should sit beside you and read you the newspaper like those movies."

"Yeah, well screw the newspaper. Come here," Natasha beckoned him with a finger, while a mischievous grin graced her lips, making her intentions far more clearer to Steve.

And the moment he sat down, Natasha almost pounced upon him, kissing him passionately, not sparing any part of his lip. And soon, Steve matched her pace, and their innocent chit-chat turned into a full-blown make-out session, both of them relentlessly indulging into each other, kissing, kneading, pulling, letting their passion take over. Natasha's hand's moved under his shirt, wanting so much more, and Steve moved down to her neck, sending shivers down her spine. Their fervor only intensified with each and every passing moment.

They would have definitely gone much further, but they were interrupted by Sam and Wanda along with Dr. Cho too, who on Sam's convincing, had decided to join them for dinner.

"Shit! Seriously? After all this denial, you guys made me walk in on you doin' it?" Sam almost turned around, being the first to enter, the other two behind him too squirmed uncomfortably. Natasha too felt a little sheepish being walked in on like this for a moment, but the sight in front of her almost make her snicker: Steve was blushing so furiously that he was practically crimson. She squeezed his hand, trying to comfort him but also enjoying every bit of his 20th-century mannerisms.

"Guys, its fine come in." Natasha finally stated, getting a hang of the awkward situation, she couldn't help but relish each and every moment of them being put across as a corny couple, not when Steve looked so adorable while blushing.

* * *

Dinner had been fun. Helen had definitely missed out on a lot that had been going on so it felt good getting an update from them. Funnily enough, the most astonishing thing that she couldn't get over was Natasha's hair and Steve's beard.

Soon it was time for them to head over to bed and after the spectacle that Steve and Natasha had provided, Cho made the arrangement for a recliner chair for Steve to sleep in in Natasha's room, knowing he would end up there anyway. Natasha did insist a lot that he'd sleep in another room, in a proper bed, but Steve wasn't any less stubborn, he started pretending that he was already knocked out in 'the most comfortable recliner chair ever,' as he put it. Though his acting skills were pretty terrible, Natasha eventually let it slide, knowing she'd too prefer the closeness anyway.

The truth of the matter was that Steve wanted to watch her sleep, he always loved doing it because it always calmed him down in a manner that was almost unexplainable. It reminded him of happy memories and older times, always making him feel so tranquil somehow.

And watch her he did, but soon his thoughts took him back to one of his favorite nights in the Avenger's tower before the Ultron madness. One that he just could never forget.

 _Steve had just returned to the Avengers Tower, getting a message from Tony that he was required for another hydra infiltration mission, this one seemed to be a little more extensive though._

 _Taking his bags up to his floor, his mind still lost about his failed attempts at finding his long-lost best friend, he heard J.A.R.V.I.S's voice, "Captain Rogers, Mr. Stark wanted me to inform you that the debriefing session has been postponed to tomorrow as Agent Romanoff would be arriving tonight."_

 _"Alright J.A.R.V.I.S. Could you tell him to send me the files by the evening? I don't particularly have much to do today."_

 _"Sure sir."_

 _Entering his floor, he wondered where Natasha would have been all this time, for she hadn't joined the rest of them for the past two missions which had also been infiltrating hydra bases. Steve hadn't seen her for the past six months approximately and though he didn't necessarily need to worry about her whereabouts, he certainly did miss her, as his partner, teammate and friend. They had gotten pretty close after S.H.I.E.L.D collapsed._

 _"Umm…J.A.R.V.I.S? By what time will Natasha be here?" He asked the A.I a little hesitantly._

 _"According to her flight timings and accounting for travel time from the airport, assuming the approximate traffic delay, Agent Romanoff should roughly arrive by 1:23 A.M."_

 _"Roughly?" Steve snickered, patiently listening to all of the A.I's calculations._

 _"Yes, sir."_

 _Steve had the entire day to himself, and after unpacking and going through the files Tony sent him, he decided to head to the gym, knowing he was most likely to find Thor and Barton over there._

 _After a couple of sparring matches and enduring Bartons jokes which neither Steve nor Thor could really understand, while Tony and Bruce continued to play with all their scientific inventions and discussions, the three of them decided to head back to their floors to shower and made plans for all five of the six Avengers to have dinner together._

 _The dinner went well and consisted of the regular teasings and tauntings, discussions about Pop-tarts (because Thor simply loved them) and arguments of who is the strongest avenger between Tony, Clint and Thor. Steve and Bruce, the two sane ones talked lightly and rolled their eyes on their fellow teammates' childish behaviors. Natasha's presence was missed by the entire team though, not just to cut through the testosterone but also because she was someone who could kick Tony's ass and get him to shut up in a single glance, which for Steve was a big necessity._

 _Around 11 Steve was finally in bed, done with everything, ready to sleep, but sadly he couldn't, his thoughts were disoriented and filled with flashbacks, reminding him of painful memories. He sat up annoyed, deciding against sleeping for now, even though he was tired, he just couldn't peacefully close his eyes. Figuring reading might help he picked up a book he was reading and continued it. He almost read for an hour and without realizing, fell asleep._

 _1:26 a.m, Tuesday_

 _Natasha had just reached the tower, stepping out of the cab with her luggage, a slick black trolley and a backpack, she entered with a small smile on her face, after all, it had been a long time she'd been here and she truly missed it, along with all her idiotic teammates._

 _"Welcome Agent Romanoff, the passcode of your floor had been routinely changed and the new one has been sent to your smartphone, along with that, the team has saved you some dinner in case you haven't eaten any, knowing your dislike for airplane meals; Captain Rogers has set the debriefing session at 9 a.m. and wanted me to remind you, Agent Barton and Mr. Stark a couple of times to prevent any sort of delay."_

 _"I don't get late. Steve's an idiot," she rolled her eyes, continuing towards the elevator, "I'm not really hungry, I'm gonna get some sleep, and J.A.R.V.I.S?"_

 _"Yes, Agent Romanoff?"_

 _"I've missed you."_

 _"The feelings are likewise."_

 _Natasha snickered, enjoying the conversation with the A.I. She accidentally pressed the button for the 7th floor, forgetting that hers was the 8th and after being reminded by the A.I. she pressed the 8th too._

 _When the elevator did stop at the 7th floor, Natasha's instincts kicked in, she heard a grunt and couple of stifled screams and realizing that this was Steve's floor, she knew exactly what was going on: Steve was having a nightmare._

 _She rushed out heading towards the door, "J give me the code. Avenger override: Agent Natasha Romanoff," she stated._

 _"Override accepted. The code is 971204."_

 _She quickly jammed in the code, rushing in towards his room and once inside, his distress was quite literally visible. Steve was shuddering, drenched in cold sweat, moaning and grunting, he was thrashing his hands as if in an attempt to get out of somewhere. Natasha ran to him, shaking him hard, calling out his name, "Steve! Steve wake up! Steve!"_

 _Nothing happened, he was too involved, too lost in his nightmare, Natasha got on top on him and ruthlessly slapped him, knowing this was the only way out. His eyes shot open and he instinctively pushed her off, abruptly sitting up, heaving, staggering to take in a breath._

 _Natasha fell hard on her back but she didn't care, she had to calm him, she immediately got back up and very gently approached him, trying to bring him back to his senses, "Steve, its okay, it was just a dream, it's me, you're fine, okay? It was just a dream."_

 _He looked at her, lost for a moment, confused at what was going on but then her words started to make sense, he leaned back closing his eyes, "shit."_

 _"Hey, its okay," she walked back towards the bed, taking a seat beside him, she softly placed her hand on top of his. "It wasn't real Steve."_

 _"I…it was just…uhh," he stuttered, his heartbeat drumming in his head, he tried to explain but he just couldn't, still pretty shaken from the nightmare._

 _"It's alright, I understand, okay? Now you need to take deep breaths for me. Hold it for a bit. Do you need some water? Lemme get you some," she quickly got up ready to fetch him some but he held her hand, abruptly stopping her, "No, don't-don't leave me alone Nat…"_

 _"But Steve it'll help-" she persisted, knowing he needed it._

 _"Please. Not now. In a bit…In a bit okay?"_

 _"Yeah. Okay." She finally recognized the vulnerability in his need for her to stay. Feeling foolish for not understanding him at first, she sat back down but this time right next to him, leaning her back on the headboard just like him, squeezing his hand again, reassuring him. If he needed her to be with him then that's what Natasha would do._

 _He looked at her, a little bit of the residual fear still present in his eyes, easing out, in the form of tears. Tears of pain and tears of relief from the pain, a mixture of both. The way he stared at her made her feel like his nightmare had something to do with her too, it was as if he was reassuring himself of her presence._

 _"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"_

 _"Steve, it is okay. You really don't need to apologize. I'm glad I can be there for you," she stated, the last past a little too softly, though he heard it. Her eyes filled with compassion, there wasn't any pity or sympathy, just empathy and protectiveness._

 _"You're back."_

 _"I'm glad you noticed," she joked lightly._

 _"I've missed you, Nat." She was a little startled by his honest admission, not that she showed it, but she hadn't really expected someone like Steve to actually care for her enough to miss her, even a bit._

 _"Me too." It was his turn to squeeze her hand._

 _They stayed like that for a couple of minutes until finally, Natasha had to let him know, "I don't wanna force you Steve, but if you want to, we can talk about it."_

 _Steve ran a hand across his forehead, knowing it wasn't going to be easy but also that it would help, talking to her always did. He sighed, and taking in a long shaky breath, he started, "I was back on the Hellicarrier, fighting with Bucky, struggling to get him to recognize me, and suddenly he does and were back on the top of the train, from where he had fallen and suddenly you're there too, Nat and then the both of you are about to fall, I'm holding each of you with one hand but the three of us tip over and we're falling and falling and falling…then we're in this empty, seamless, dully lit basement and the both of you are unable to recognize me, you're teaming up and attacking, we're fighting and I'm screaming at you to recognize it's me and then suddenly there's a bomb in there behind the two of you and my hands and legs are chained…I try to get out, to break 'em all while screaming at the two of you to get out but you guys…just don't listen…that's about when you woke me up…uhh…I pushed you out of impulse."_

 _"Wow…that's quite a lot…I don't really know what to say after this."_

 _"You don't have to say anything. You woke me up at the right time, I didn't get to see you guys die before me; I've gotten used to seeing Bucky with the flashbacks and the usual nightmares but I don't think I can bear watching you too. It's too much, altogether," he earnestly stated, shaking his head, trying to rid himself of the thought._

 _"I know that you would give anything to get him back Steve, but you need to understand that it's really not your fault. You've been trying your best to find him, to save him, you almost got yourself killed on that Hellicarrier, letting him hit you, again and again, not fighting back. And I really respect you for this thing in you to protect others first, I really do, but you need to realize that you can't carry around this burden everywhere."_

 _"I wasn't just him, it was also you, the both of you didn't recognize me, and I'd lost you guys…"_

 _"…you'd lost us emotionally and were about to lose us physically too. That's what it was about, right? your fear of losing people you care about and not being able to do anything about it. That's what the chains represented right?"_

 _"Yeah. You're surprisingly good at decoding nightmares."_

 _"Hah. I have a lot of experience in this field, trust me."_

 _"I just know that the real him, he's in there somewhere and I can't give up on him."_

 _"You don't have to. I know you're trying your best and you continue doing that but just…stop being so hard on yourself. Your biggest fear in the dream wasn't that we didn't recognize you, it was the fact that you couldn't bring us to, you believe that you couldn't save us, which is not true."_

 _"Damn," his eyes widened a little, simply realizing how right she was, and she had understood him so perfectly, even when he'd himself couldn't._

 _"I understand that these thoughts could be annoying, and we all have our bundle of insecurities, I guess it comes with the package of being an Avenger, but you need to talk about it, share these things out. How else do you expect yourself to be at peace otherwise?" Her tone got a little serious at the end, almost chiding him._

 _"You weren't there for the past six months. Who else was I supposed to talk to?" The words almost flew out of his mouth spontaneously, before he could even comprehend their essence._

 _"I…"_

 _"No, wait. I'm sorry, Nat. I didn't mean it like that, it's just, it's been a rough week and…jeez I haven't even asked you how you've been."_

 _"Calm down, Rogers. You've had a compelling reason not to, it's okay and for the record, I've been fine. I've missed these kind of conversations too, you know? I knew I should've come back early on I just…had some stuff to take care of."_

 _"Where'd you get this from? Looks pretty bad." Steve was referring to the tiny burn on her hand, it still looked pretty red and fresh._

 _"From the stuff I've been taking care of. Can I get you some water now?"_

 _"I'm okay, really. It's getting late, you should probably, get some sleep."_

 _She abruptly stood up, walking towards the door, "fine then," leaving him a little startled. Even though he did ask her to leave, he didn't expect her to go so easily._

 _In about a minute she was back with a glass of water from the kitchen, "you know, it's really not a bad idea to drink some, time to time, what's more is that you should definitely keep a glass of water beside you when you go to sleep, mister."_

 _She handed it over to him, folding her arms. "Are you going to be able to sleep? Tell me honestly."_

 _Drinking up the water, he knew he couldn't lie to her, "I don't think I want to. I'll probably go to the gym or something."_

 _"Here's what you're going to do: you're gonna finish the water, go for a shower and then how about we watch a movie off your list? Tony did provide you with an amazing screening room, I've always been jealous of which. What say? I'm thinking Jurrasic Park. C'mon Cap, drink up."_

 _"Hold on. You not gonna stay awake with me. You must be having crazy jet lag traveling so much and besides…I'm okay."_

 _"Can you save the drama for some other time? I'm not a 5-year-old toddler you need to put to bed to prevent crankiness the next morning, neither am I gonna be late for your 9 a.m. meeting." Natasha rolled her eyes at him._

 _"You're right. You're cranky even when you're well slept," he joked getting up._

 _"Shut up, old man. I'm gonna see you in the screening room, okay? Also, I'm gonna borrow a t-shirt." Natasha walked into his closet pulling out a soft, grey one. She still had to unpack, and Steve's clothes were way more comfortable somehow._

 _"I'll see you in 10 mins," Steve stated, rolling his eyes, bossy Natasha was one of his favorites._

 _In those 10 minutes, Natasha had changed into Steve's light cozy but baggy shirt and rummaged through his kitchenette to find a big bag of popcorn, along with the addition of a blanket, she got the things and settled into his luxurious screening room. Tony had definitely done a marvelous job with the help of Pepper._

 _When Steve entered, freshly showered, he couldn't help but chuckle at the sight in front of him, Natasha, perfectly stretched and cuddled, lay on the giant couch bed, almost swimming in his t-shirt which was enormous for the little redhead, she had set the movie up and had the remote in her hand, setting up the sound, munching on the popcorn from the bag, waiting for him. A blanket lay beside her, just in case it got chilly._

 _"You wanna stare at me or watch the movie?"_

 _Steve blushed, being caught off guard. He didn't even realize he'd been staring at her for more than a couple of moments. "Uhh…movie I guess. I've heard a lot about it, must be really good." He tried to subtly change the subject preventing to endure any more teasing._

 _"Yup, it definitely is. Its one of my all-time favorites."_

 _Steve took his place beside her, "you're gonna have to share some," he leaned in grabbing a handful of popcorn._

 _In about an hour through the movie both of them were deeply engrossed, and even though Natasha had seen it a couple of times before she was just as lost as Steve was. They were snuggled up in the blanket Natasha had gotten, rushing towards the end of the popcorn bag._

 _Finally, it was over and Steve paused the titles at the end. "Phew, that was…"_

 _She looked up at him expectantly, raising an eyebrow, as curious as ever, "…crazy?_

 _"Definitely." He chuckled making her laugh as well._

 _"I think you should get some much-required sleep now, Nat."_

 _"Hmmm," she considered it briefly, "okay." She lied back down but this time instead of putting her head back on the plumped up pillows which she used to get a good view of the movie, she nestled into his chest, startling him, almost as much as the dinosaurs did, getting comfortable and with her eyes closed she answered to his astonished expression, "don't mind me, you're more comfortable than my pillow."_

 _The sound of his laugh rumbled through his chest, making her smile contentedly. "Go to sleep Romanoff, I'm not having to deal with your crankiness through the 9 a.m meeting."_

 _"Yeah right, Rogers. You're gonna have to live with it the entire day." He chuckled at that and put an arm around her, rubbing the small of her back._

 _"Thanks for being there, Nat. I've really missed you."_

 _"I've missed you too."_

 _In a couple of minutes both of the tired Avengers were sound asleep, gladly absorbed in each other's warmth they'd been longing for over the past couple of lonely, hectic months._

He smiled, thinking back to how secure he'd felt around her. The fact that she didn't leave him alone meant everything. But suddenly, he almost snickered, remembering what had happened on the morning that followed.

 _Natasha had changed back into her clothes from the previous day and the two of them headed down for breakfast. Once they were in the elevator, Natasha finally remembered, "shit, my bags. J.A.R.V.I.S?"_

 _"My apologies Agent Romanoff. I'm not allowed to let you know their whereabouts."_

 _"Damn it. Barton or Stark?" Steve asked, still not getting much of a response from the A.I._

 _Natasha huffed, knowing it was going to be an annoying morning. Reaching the common floor, she looked up at him, "alright, Cap. You gotta play along."_

 _He nodded, "I've got this," and they headed towards the counter._

 _"Look who's here!" Tony called, making everyone turn their heads. Natasha got a warm welcome from all of her teammates, and with one look she knew her bags were hidden by Clint, whose eyes gleamed with smugness._

 _After engaging in light conversation for a while, while drinking her coffee, utterly oblivious to Clint's mischievous looks, she finally made him ask her with desperation, "so you've unpacked?"_

 _She nodded, taking in another sip of her coffee, "yeah. I got it all done last night." Clint looked back at her confused, but before he could say anything, she went on, "pay up, Steve. I told you Clint's gonna be the one to fall for it," and Steve to understood where this was going easily. "Damn it, man. I really thought Tony's gonna be it."_

 _"Be what?"_

 _"Well, you remember the prototype you were telling me about? That exploded last week in the lab? Natasha may have wanted to make either of you realize just how much you missed her by making you steal the bags filled with those," he smirked, making everyone chuckle._

 _"Wait…what? What prototype?" Clint asked, perplexed._

 _"Well, you might just miss finding it out if you're able to reach in time," Natasha high-fived Steve._

 _"Isn't that dangerous?" Thor asked, worried a little._

 _"It was supposed to be an explosive but didn't do much than leaving a terrible stink for like 2 days," Bruce explained, chuckling at how tense Clint was getting._

 _"Wow, Capsicle. And you thought I'd fall for it?" Tony chimed in._

 _"Shit. I hate you guys!" Clint ran towards his floor, making everyone laugh out hilariously._

"What's got you smiling so much, old man?" Steve almost jumped, hearing her sleepy voice. Even in the dim lit room she could easily see him, rather, feel him and all his adorableness.

"Jeez. You scared me!"

She shifted a little, beckoning him, patting the space next to her on her bed. He walked right up and slid in, she lay her head on his chest, holding him close and he nestled right in, "you remember when we watched Jurassic Park?"

"Yeah, and how we pranked Clint the next day," she chuckled, remembering, stifling a yawn.

"Go back to sleep now, Nat," he placed a kiss on top of her head.

"Hmmm okay. You don't wanna deal with my crankiness tomorrow, do you?" It was Steve's turn to chuckle.

"Good night, Steve…love you," she mumbled, but only after a moment she realized how comfortably those cheesy words came out of her but it was just so pure, it felt so normal to her and she wasn't ashamed of it. Not now. Not with Steve.

"Good night, Natasha, I love you too."

* * *

 **A/N - Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Clint and his fam are definitely going to be there in the next chapter and I'm really excited for that and once again I'm really sorry for the time I've taken and the next chapter might take some too but I really hope I'll be able to make it worth the wait. Also, I really wanna thank all those who reviewed cause it made me super happy :) Thank you for reading!**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 **"To unpatch'd waters, undream'd shores" ~ William Shakespeare, The Winter's Tale.**

"Hi sweetheart," Natasha cooed gently, she had gotten the heads up from Laura about Lila being a little upset with her absence, but it still hurt way more than she had imagined when Lila did not run towards her, jumping up in her arms like she usually did.

Lila was just…overwhelmed, seeing Natasha come inside her room, her heart skipped a beat, but she couldn't move. She was definitely happy, but she didn't really understand why she was tearing up a bit and it almost hurt. She sat there, staring at her aunt, her role model, tiny eyes wide open, and filled with tears. Natasha's heart was bubbling up with guilt, but without showing any of it, she crouched down in front of Lila, holding her gaze.

The child stared at her for a few seconds before hiccupping out a choked, "I missed you. And I didn't think you were coming," after which she started sobbing and Natasha pulled her in on her lap and getting up with her, she got a better hold of the little 6-year-old, who easily nestled right into her.

She was almost startled by Lila yet again. That little girl always had the capacity to amaze her but seeing her this hurt, especially because of her own absence pained Natasha. It had been a while since she'd visited the Bartons and she could feel the difference. Things had changed for them, their new baby boy was there now, both the older kids were also growing, she could almost feel a difference of a few inches in Lila's height but what astounded her the most was the difference in her emotions. She could clearly express what hurt and why.

Natasha couldn't lie to herself. She'd missed her little snuggle bug too, but after the Accords, she didn't even have much time to talk to her on the phone, let alone video calls or visits. She felt so guilty for hurting Lila this much, but the truth is that she didn't really think that she would be missed this much. She couldn't have ever imagined she mattered this much to her little girl and realizing that, she hated herself for not being there.  
Lila didn't have very many friends of her own because they lived in the outskirts and her parents had been a little busy with their newborn along with her elder brothers broken foot. The loneliness she felt only aggravated her feelings towards wanting her aunt's presence, especially on her birthday.

Natasha held her for a long time, coddling her with gentle murmurs while letting her cry it out. And when Lila was finally settling down, she could see the tear stains on Natasha's face.

"It's okay. Don't feel bad," she said placing her hand on Natasha's cheek just like Natasha always did while talking to her when she was upset.

"I'm really sorry, Lila. I wanted to come and see you too but I was stuck fighting some bad guys. That's why I couldn't inform you baby girl. I tried contacting your parents a few times, but it just wasn't working out," she said earnestly, her voice filled with compassion and sorrow. The truth is she had tried calling Clint from the jet a few times but the radio communication systems weren't working properly. They'd barely got the hang of Cho and Hill somehow when Natasha was injured.

"Mommy and Daddy said that you were busy and I didn't want you to be busy! Not on my birthday. Sometimes I feel like you won't come back…like ever and I get scared not seeing you for so long. I just…I wanted to know that you were okay," she stated sadly.

"I…" Natasha didn't really know what to say to the 6-year-old. She was at loss of words after the child so sincerely poured out her heart. She felt responsible for the fear and worry she had instilled in Lila, but…it also hit her hard, overwhelming her with all the care and compassion the child had for her.

Feeling needed and sought after was something she still wasn't good at deciphering and it made her feel like she was so blessed, that she had in her, something that fulfilled a need, something that was wanted by someone. And as much as it hurt to see how much worry she had caused to Lila, it also reinforced in her the new belief system that she had acquired with Steve, that she was needed and that she deserved a chance at normalicity.

"Thank you, Lila."

"For what?"

"For your honesty, for telling me how you felt. I'm so proud of you, lil' one, but also, thank you for needing me." The child looked up to her in admiration and smiling genuinely, she said, "how can I not need you? You're my aunt, you're family, and I love you," she tightly hugged the former redhead, making another tear trickle down Natasha's cheeks.

"And for the worry part, how about I promise you something? Hmm?" she asked, wanting to make the child feel certain about a few things.

"What is it?" Lila asked seriously, pulling back and starting right into Natasha's eyes.

"You know my job is to fight bad guys, just like your daddy used to, to make sure that good people, like you, are safe and happy, right?"

"Mm-hmm," she nodded.

"And because of that, there are times when I can get hurt while doing that, but I promise you that I will always try my level best to take care of myself when I'm doing my job, but in case if something ever happens to me, I want you to remember this, that no matter what, I will always be there with you. No one, and I promise you, no one in this universe could ever take that from you; the fact that I love you more than anything. So, whenever you miss me when I'm away on missions, I want you to remember the funny, silly and happy times we've had, I want you to remember this always okay, that even if I'm not around you…physically, I'm still with you, forever, and I will never not be by your side, you just have to feel me around you with those memories, alright? And I'm always okay when you're okay, Lila. I might not be around you to tell you that but seeing you smile is all I need, so whenever you miss me, remember the happy times and I promise, I'll be there, okay?"

"Okay…" she fell back in the embrace, satisfied by the earnesty in Natasha's eyes. "I'm very proud of you, Auntie Nat." Natasha chuckled a little, as emotional as she was, she couldn't feel happier at that pure, honest and utterly endearing admission, "thank you, Lila."

Natasha remembered a couple of years back when Clint and Laura had told the kids briefly about their daddies and their aunties job. Lila was around four that time, and the concept intrigued her, while her brother thought it was 'awesome,' she still couldn't get a hang on the entirety of it, but then again who could blame her, innocence like that wasn't bound to understanding the complexities of the world, let alone its cruelties.

 _"Why are people bad, Auntie Nat?" The child asked with a curiousness bound by purity._

 _Natasha thought a moment, wanting to answer her correctly. The bond she shared with Lila was so special, not that she loved Cooper any less but she remembered so well when she met her for the first time as an infant, coddled and swaddled in her father's, in her best friend's arms, and, holding her in her very own, she realized she had never felt the way she did at that very moment ever before. She saw in Lila something she'd lost long ago. Guilelessness. And she was bound to protect it, no matter what it cost._

 _"Sometimes because no one taught them good and sometimes because people haven't been good to them. Not all people who you see doing bad things are actually bad, they just…haven't been taught well, and most of the times, people aren't entirely bad, they're lost rather."_

 _"So, can they be made good?"_

 _"Not always…but sometimes they realise that they've been pretending all this while…to be something they never were and, if they're strong enough, to let go and move on, they decide to stop pretending and start doing what they were truly meant to do," the little child stared at her in wonder, "…which is to be good," Natasha finished. It was a lot to take on for a four-year-old and Natasha knew that, but she just could tangibly feel the magnitude of Lila's question weigh her down, making her realize just how much this had bothered her since a long time. It was more as if she was answering a riddle that she was constantly plagued by and, she felt rather content with her answer somehow, realizing how she presented in it, a tiny bit of hope._

"God I can't believe how much you've grown. You're five years old!"

"I'm six!"

"No way! Now you're just messing with me. Let me take a closer look at you…hmm, you do look a tad bit taller, but I'm not quite sure…"

"I'm six now, I'm taller see!" Natasha chuckled at Lila's adorableness, finally giving in.

"So you're trying to tell me that you, my little one, aren't so little anymore? You're 6 years old, I just can't believe it! Happy Birthday, Lila!" Natasha gave her a huge bear hug, perfectly matching her level of elation.

"Uh, huh. Last time you saw me I was little but now I'm actually bigger," she explained her aunt.

"I bet you are. Are you excited for today?"

"I'm getting an Olaf cake with lots of frosting. It's going to be chocolate on the inside," her eyes gleamed with excitement.

"Oh, that is a great choice. So you wanna pick your outfit now? Daddy's making blueberry pancakes!"

"Yes. Let's do it," she raised her hand for Natasha to hold, which she gladly did but suddenly Lila stopped, "wait…what happened to your hair?"

"Umm, I got a little bored with the red. Do you like them?"

"Yeah. They're nice…but I really liked the red too," she honestly confessed. Natasha chuckled realizing just how much her reaction was a perfect combination of Clint's upfront bafflement and Laura's thoughtfulness which eventually ended in a playful nod of disapproval.

"Don't worry they'll come back soon enough. You wanna get ready now?"

"Mm-hmm." And with that, Natasha picked her up, taking the little child towards the closet.

* * *

Natasha was sitting on the porch watching the kids run around with excitement, completely indulged in the fun and games of the party. They had a small gathering of a few friends over along with some of the relatives, and it was truly heart-warming for her to see those kids, just being kids.

It was a beautiful day after all, it was almost as if today, the clouds had cleared the way they did just for the Sun, for it to be able to display its effulgence, for it to be made feel like a star, one that it truly always was, its just that in performing its regularities of providing warmth and light, it almost forgot that it could just…sparkle, carefree, with all it's splendor and magic, letting its rays seep through the treacherous roots of the earth, unafraid and unashamed.

Almost abruptly, a memory knocked on the doors of Natasha's mind and she was swiftly taken back to the conversation she had with Steve on one of the nights after the Ultron madness. The two of them were lightly chatting about their day, and things started getting a little serious when they somehow ended up talking about Clint and his family, especially Lila.

 _"They're are really doing a great job with the kids. And you know, just how much I'm obsessed with Lila. When I look at her I see the way she sees the world, and the way she believes the world sees her. The glimpses of these amazing traits that I see in her, they make me realize of all the effort they're putting in, in letting her know, in making her believe with certainty…she knows, Steve that she's loved, wanted and needed…and I know, she'll grow up to be this amazing, beautiful and compassionate individual. She'll believe in herself. And I adore and applaud Clint and Laura, rather all the parents like them in the world for this, that's how everyone's supposed to do it. Raise kids," she sighed, "…sometimes I wish I'd gotten an opportunity to be raised like that."_

 _"Hey, its a completely valid feeling. That is how a child is supposed to be raised. They're made to feel protected and loved. And I know you've never gotten that chance, but Nat, you have the opportunity to give it to Lila. The way she looks at you, she sees strength and charisma, she wants to be like you-"_

 _Natasha scoffed at that, rudely cutting him off, "she doesn't know me to want to be like me."_

 _"She knows you better than you yourself do. And she's just four. Its really not that hard you know, you just need to stare a little harder in the mirror, look beyond the surface and you'll find the truth and not just a mere reflection of dumb ideologies people stuffed in your head." Steve had gotten a little mad at her for the way she had responded. He headed over to the gym, knowing that sooner or later, she'd join him too._

 _"Never thought I'd see you here," he greeted her with a cocky smile._

 _"Yup and I bet you cannot imagine how amazingly I'm gonna kick your ass."_

 _"Oh, you're so on."_

 _And they sparred for a long time, but it rather looked like both of them were synchronously performing a piece of art they'd been researching centuries for. It almost took like forever but Natasha almost won, and pinning Steve down, she beamed, "told ya I'd win."_

 _He didn't drop her gaze, holding her in place, just like she was, with almost her entire body weight and suddenly, out of nowhere, Steve twisted, reversing their positions."Yup, you did. And I'm telling you, someday you're gonna look in the mirror and be able to see yourself."_

 _"We'll see, Cap." She grunted, trying to get a better grip to overpower him, but she couldn't, not with his determination._

 _"No, you'll see," he smirked, once again referring to his mirror ideology._

* * *

Clint walked up to her and took his spot beside her. "Drooling over the Cap, aren't you?"

"Oh, shut up, Barton. We all know how you still slip seeing Laura."

"Wow, you drew a parallel instead of denying so…finally, huh? After all, you guys did end up together. I was so right," he smirked.

"Um…yeah, but you don't get to tease, okay?" She told Clint, with quickly adding on, "and don't listen to Sam…he lies."

"Oh, you mean about that part where they walked in on you two making out in a hospital room? Seriously, in a freakin' hospital room?!"

"Damn it! I'm gonna kick that birds butt," she mumbled, annoyed. "He's been going around telling everyone!"

"Okay first of all, please stop with the bird mocks. If you've forgotten, I'm Hawkeye."

"Oops." She snickered at that along with the overtly exaggerated hurt expression he displayed.

"Forgiven. And second of all…I am really happy for you, Natasha. Finally, it's someone whom I genuinely believe is worthy of you." He put his arm around her shoulder, bringing her in for a sideways hug.

"Thanks, Barton. Love you too." He couldn't help but chuckle at that, the way she always said 'love you too' without him even saying it, but then again, she was never wrong.

* * *

A few minutes later, Clint left her to handle the kids and the mess they were making, just as kids usually do. Natasha saw Steve, chatting with Wanda in a near distance, the two of them were laughing at something, which was probably Sam and his obsession with the piñata the kids were struggling with. She headed towards them, "I really do hope you guys are laughing at Sam."

"You got that right. Just look at him, he's getting so agitated with the fact that the kids haven't been able to get the hang of that thing. I'm betting he's hoping he'll get a chance to take a hit," Wanda smirked.

"You also want one so bad, don't you?" Natasha asked, raising her eyebrows.

Wanda blushed, "…no." Steve chuckled, "yup, she really does."

* * *

After playing around a little with the children and behaving like complete nut heads themselves, Natasha finally got a hold of Steve for a moment when they were heading inside, and she couldn't find a more perfect opportunity to let him know, "you were right…even though you lost the sparring match."

"I told you." He smugly stated, understanding her reference perfectly but suddenly realizing, "wait, I won the sparring match too."

"No, you didn't."

"Your denial gives me the absolute assurance I needed. Thank you," he laughed, realizing how wild that sounded.

"Wow. Philosophical, huh? Not bad," Natasha leaned down, picking up the happy toddler who was raising his hands to her. She bobbled him and gently cooed sweet nothings, making the little one giggle and squeal. Steve too laughed at it. The sight was so adorable, and just as much as the moment tried to apprehend it, the depths of its uncapturability was pure bliss.

Suddenly Nate got attracted to Steve's beard, trying to grab for it. "Wanna hold him?"

"Uhh…I don't know. I'm not very good with babies."

"Don't worry. He'll love you. Here," Natasha gently handed him over, guiding Steve how to hold him and the baby squealed, patting his hands at his beard, making the two of them laugh.

"He likes you," Steve smiled at that, holding the precious little one and rocking him gently.

* * *

The birthday party was a lot of fun for Lila. She had truly enjoyed every single bit of it. And even though the day was filled with adorableness throughout, the most precious and almost incomparable moment was when Clint had asked Lila which present was her favorite after she had opened each and every one of her gifts, and she ran up from her mountain of presents to Natasha, tightly hugging her for a second, after which she let go, held Natasha's hand and turned the both of them in her dad's direction and pointing her finger, she proudly stated, "this one," to which the entire room dissolved into laughter.

Steve couldn't be more awed by the scene in front of him. The loving, caring and playful side to Natasha was something he didn't get to see that often, and he wouldn't miss a single second of it.

* * *

After the party had ended and all three of the kids had gone to their beds, the adults were chilling for a bit and most definitely having quite a mature "adult" conversation, but then again, this was absolutely expected from a gathering of Avengers…former Avengers.

"…i won, and that's what matters!"

"But it wasn't fair, Nat! I'm calling a rematch."

"Woah, what's going on?" Wanda asked, returning to the room from her phone call with Vision, completely puzzled by whatever her mentors were arguing about.

"You remember the thumb wars we had when Clint had come to visit? I had totally won that, hadn't I?" Natasha gave her one of those rare cute pleading looks that made Wanda melt, making her merely nod.

"Ha. See?" Natasha smugly turned to Steve.

"Not fair! Wanda, you know that's not true!" The poor teen expectantly looked up to Clint and Laura, and while Clint shrugged, mouthing 'if I save you it'll be me,' Laura finally pulled her in, next to her spot on the couch.

"Wait? Why don't nobody ask me?" Sam finally spoke up.

"Um…cause you were dead asleep and, on the verge of throwing up way before the thumb wars even started?" Wanda smirked, getting a pout from him.

 _"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the final fight of the night, Captain America versus Black Widow, who do you think is gonna walk home with the trophy? I'd suggest you'd place your bets right now cause I'm pretty sure it's gonna be 'Tasha," Clint excitedly declared. Everyone except Steve was almost drunk. Wanda and Natasha definitely had better metabolisms than the rest, but with the amount of alcohol they had, they too were tipsy to say the least._

 _"Natasha raised her eyebrows with a cocky grin, "yup it is."_

 _"You're on, Barton. I'm gonna be on team Capsicle here." Tony chimed in._

 _"See that? I'm gonna get you this time, Romanoff."_

 _"Oh, I'd like to see you try, Rogers." And so they started, it became a pretty serious ordeal with all the Avengers cheering their respective chosen ones, and it had been almost 5 minutes, that being a rather long time for a thumb wrestling match but the two of them were way too invested._

 _"Man the sexual tension is almost tangible," Tony teased._

 _Natasha was struggling overpowering Steve, a droplet of sweat slid down her forehead, she suddenly liked Tony's idea, giving Steve one of her rare disarming looks, bending down a little further and biting her lip, she purposely made him feel…uncomfortable. He was almost taken aback but the sudden shift in her demeanor. And finally, throwing him off balance she won, the spider enticed her prey skilfully and mercilessly._

 _"Yes! See Stark, I told you Nat would win."_

 _"Yeah, well she should thank me for that."_

 _"Huh, what?" Barton slurred, too drunk to catch up to them._

 _"Don't worry Stark, I would willingly acknowledge you for this one with all my gratitude," she laughed, getting up and ruffling Steve's hair gently, "sorry Cap, I don't miss when I've my bets placed." No one else really was sane enough to take in the situation as well as the two of them._

 _Steve blushed, trying to act completely oblivious to her words but failing miserably. "C'mon Stark pay up," while Natasha and Clint were pouncing upon Tony for their cash, Steve ran a hand through his head, still not able to fully comprehend just what had happened, he couldn't even get drunk, then how could he fall for it? "I don't wike it," he mumbled under his breath, luckily, no one heard it._

* * *

 _After a while, Natasha rather abruptly got up in the middle of whatever silly discussion they were having and told them that she was heading to bed, leaving them with whatever craziness they were pursuing and though everyone was bummed, they let her go eventually, with a bunch of rebukes of course. Steve, being the only sane one, knew that something was eating her up, and in a bit, he too declared that he was gonna go. His set of rebukes were much more interesting though, he didn't pertain Natasha's death glare after all._

 _"Goodnight grandpa!" Clint roared._

 _"Don't overdose on your sleeping pill, Capsicle," how could Tony stay back._

 _Steve hauled Sam's arm over his shoulder, carrying him off to his room. He had already passed out and definitely didn't have that good of a metabolism when it came to digesting huge gulps of alcohol. Passing by the bar, he almost ran into Natasha, who had briefly returned to get her forgotten phone, "uhh…sorry."_

 _"Do you need some help with him?"_

 _Steve was about to say no, but right in that moment, Sam hurled over and threw up, almost staining Steve's shoes but he moved right in time. He looked up at her with a small smile._

 _"You'd like to reconsider that? Great." And so the two of them carried a very passed out Falcon through the elevator, dropping him to his room, talking lightly meanwhile, "so you're not gonna be awkward around me, are you?"_

 _"Oh, is that cause you flustered me up and made a complete fool out of me down there? Not at all."_

 _"What? When did that happen?" She teased, making him almost scoff, "yeah, right."_

 _"Wow, he is such a lightweight. I almost feel bad," she chuckled._

 _Finally getting Sam in bed, they walked out. "No, you almost feel jealous," Steve's words almost caught her off guard, but before she could say anything, he continued, "…rather, we almost feel jealous. Only if we had it so easy…a bottle of whiskey for a peaceful night of sleep."_

 _She smiled sadly, nodding, "goodnight, Steve," and almost as if she was wishing him good luck, she leaned in and gave him a hug, knowing that if someone understood her irrational fear from sleep just as much as she craved it, it was definitely him._

 _She was about to let go, but he held on, "Nat, do you wanna talk for a bit?"_

 _"I'll be fine. I'm just a little buzzed, I guess. And I'm not sorry for…being crafty," she smirked in the end, referring to the thumb wars match._

 _He chuckled, finally letting go of her, deciding to give her the time and space she needed, "how 'bout I call for a rematch? One that's fair?"_

 _"Done. But you're gonna have to wait till I'm sober, cause I won't need anything more than my thumb then," she winked._

"So you're calling the rematch almost two years later? You seem to have an obsession with delays, don't you?"

"You won't mind some of them," he gleamed wickedly, whispering in her ear while Clint and Laura, were invested in Sam and Wanda's squabble in the background so he could be audible to only her, almost throwing her off the edge, yet catching her, only off guard though. "I'm glad you've learned a few things in these years, Rogers."

"Hello? Are you two done being mushy to continue with the challenge?" Sam teased, earning a pointed look from the both of them.

"Laura? Pick a side?"

"Um…don't kill me Nat, but I'm gonna have to be on team Cap here," she high-fived Steve, moving to sit on his side.

"Damn. I was gonna pick him," Clint sighed, but looking back up, he was almost eaten up by Natasha's threatening look, "seriously?! Didn't you earn your fortune last time cause of me? I'm so gonna spoil all your kids for this one you two!" She huffed, getting a snicker out of the couple. Laura smirked, "like you don't do that anyway," while Steve chilled back with a proud look.

"Sam? Wanda? C'mon you two love me more, don't you?" Steve chuckled at Natasha's persuasive skills, making both Sam and Wanda simply nod to her.

"Okay well, bring it on."

And after a vigorous match, one that was intense, yet entirely fair, Natasha won once again. "Take that bitches."

"Okay, first of all, language. And second of all, volume! I have three kids asleep man," Clint said, at which she simply stuck her tongue out.

* * *

Natasha headed to the porch again, definitely her favorite place in Clint house, the sky had its stars visible now, 'the rust has cleared finally,' she smiled, remembering how the thumb wars match they had had was only a couple of months before the Accords. She definitely missed it, but recalling the memory, she also remembered the aftermath of how the rest of the night had gone once she had headed upstairs. It was difficult, least to say, and so were the next couple of days.

"Someday it was…I can't believe how much fun we had running around." Steve took his spot right next to her on the porch, remembering how he couldn't help but stare at how utterly adorable Natasha looked when she was completely engaged in all the party games, especially the Treasure Hunt in which she obviously was Lila's first choice.

It was so precious seeing them decoding the clues and working together, Natasha definitely loved each and every second of it. It made his heart swell seeing this carefree side to her around kids, he knew she's always been caring and affectionate but, seeing her be it so openly made him almost a little emotional. It was liberating.

"You're right, and someday it is…" she leaned onto his shoulder, "…you remember?"

"Of course I do."

 _"If I'd known you'd still be awake I'd end up here sooner. Troubling you before I sleep is always way more satisfying," she took a spot on the couch in front of him, Steve folded the page he was reading and put the book aside, he was pretty well aware from her tone that she was inebriated, yet again._

 _Natasha hadn't been doing so well that week, Steve knew something had ticked her off in a rather brutal manner since the moment she'd decided to head upstairs. He was desperate to help, and he tried to get her to talk many times since the night of the thumb wars, but she just wasn't willing to._

 _"Why'd you drink so much anyway? It's really not good, you know?"_

 _"You think this is a good opportunity to get me to open up, don't you?" She smirked, making him chuckle, there were definitely many instances when Steve was disturbed and he needed someone to talk to, and Natasha knew those times, she could just feel it when he actually had something going on. It came so naturally to her to head up to him, to approach him directly, but even in her intoxicated state, she knew him, far too well, sometimes more than her own liking._

 _"Damn it. You're really good at reading someone's mind, Nat."_

 _"Nope. I'm not a psychic or something, Steve. I'm just really good with deciphering emotions…especially yours," she smirked, "I'm the best." Steve chuckled, "textbook narcissism. Stark's rubbing off on you?"_

 _She picked up his glass of orange juice and taking a sip, she mumbled, "god. I hope not." The both of them shared a laugh, and after a moment of rather a restless, uneasy silence, Steve finally asked, "What is it, Nat? What's been eating you up?"_

 _"You tell me, you know you're also awake at quarter to two with me, right? I was out drinking, what are you, sleepwalking?"_

 _"I tried to sleep, but…I guess I knew I won't be able to tonight. I've had a lot on my mind," he smiled a little, knowing how well she could understand the restlessness he felt._

 _Natasha met his gaze, patient and waiting, hoping for her to open up, she almost was consumed in its kindness for a moment, being completely silent, but then suddenly, catching herself falling in its trap of compassion, she almost felt angry and, blaming it at her inebriated state, she ruthlessly stated, "we both know how much you'd love to drown yourself in alcohol, only if you could," calling him out on his inability to fall for it._

 _She could see a tiny ounce of surprise and hurt in his eyes as he perfectly linked how she jibed at him for his earlier concern for her for getting drunk so often. "I think I'm gonna head upstairs now, probably get some sleep," Natasha got up, wanting to disappear before she hurt him further and knowing she was a tiny bit out of her senses, she didn't want to take a chance, being aware of how unstable she felt, especially being around him, knowing that Steve had a way of getting her to open up._

 _Steve could see it though, the fact that she was letting down her guard after the past couple of days. He couldn't miss the opportunity. "It's true. But at least it forces me to deal with it, rather than gulping it down, right?" He too stood up, his words being effective enough to stop her._

 _"Oh, if I deal with it the way I see things, I would have killed myself long back…" She turned back to face him._

 _"Don't you dare…" He walked up to her and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her a little, "I don't know what to say or do to convince you…but I swear to god I will not let you do anything of that sort. I am not going to give up on you, and you better get that into your head," his voice was chilling, each word had such a vast emphasis, it shook her to her core, definitely enough to wake her up from her intoxicated state. She stared at him with wide, moist eyes, he didn't blink though. His determination was unparalleled._

 _Suddenly getting agitated at his words yet again, she rid herself of his grasp and stormed towards the door, Steve exhaled looking down, "Nat, please. Quit running away."_

 _She turned around at that, "Why?" She asked in an almost broken voice. "Why do you care so much?!" Her voice was a mixture of anger and…pain. It almost hurt her to see somebody care, and she didn't know how to respond to that. She certainly didn't._

 _"Cause you matter." He walked up to her._

 _"And what about the things I've done? The lives I've taken? Don't they matter?! I deserve to be miserable after that!" She spat, disgusted with herself._

 _"You didn't take them, Natasha. **You** didn't even have an identity back then! You did what you were taught to you, you did whatever was necessary to stay alive." His voice was rising up too, with his desperation to make her understand._

 _"But I should have chosen to die rather…" she looked away, clearly upset._

 _"Wait so let me get this straight…you are blaming your naïve younger self, who was tormented and tortured, shown graphic and gory images of how brutal the journey to death is for those who don't comply. I've shuddered reading files of how the red room functioned, Natasha, you've fucking had to live there! It had always been this brutal place of utter darkness where you imagine people who go there, stay with the horrors captured in the expression of excruciating pain you see on their face in death for you." Natasha's eyes widened at that, she remembered the grotesque and horrifying deaths she'd seen as to set examples by the red room. 'How does he know?'_

 _"Then being afraid of death was the only human thing about me. I was a killing machine on hire. You know…you know what they've done to me! My body, my soul…the most important aspect of life, creating a new life, I can't do that and, even now…I know I deserve it, it still hurts no less. What they did, it can never be undone…just like what I did. And once I've realized that I can't help but question the purpose of my life, what am I going on for, Steve? I'll never be able to do enough for it. There's no penance enough…"_

 _"You think because they've sterilized you…" the impact of that word was something she just couldn't take, "just let it go!"_

 _"What about the children you saved on life-threatening missions, or rather the parents that you've saved, without whom their kids would have ended up lost…you've not only saved lives, Natasha but you've also given them direction and purpose, to value their time and the closeness they have with the ones around them, and that is your purpose. You've inspired and given hope to so many children, and they celebrate this strength, your strength when they dress up as you on Halloween, they not only imitate the Black Widow, Natasha, they try and imbibe your spirit. You've contributed a lot Natasha, and I…we need you. You find it so difficult to believe that you're worthy of a life worth living, cause you've been told so, over and over, it's not your fault, Nat, that you believe these things. But please, know that that is not and will not be the truth. They lied, okay?"_

 _"You know, if I wasn't this drunk, I'd probably not even consider it but…how about this? I wanna believe you…so bad. But I'm not able to…and someday…I hope I am."_

 _"Then I'm just asking you to hang on till that someday."_

 _"…okay," she smiled weakly bringing him in for a much-needed hug._

"You know, it's almost bruising my ego admitting how right you've been."

"On the risk of bruising it further, I'm gonna have to say, I told you so," he teased, making her chuckle, "you did."

"Steve?" She held his gaze for a steady moment, pouring out the deluge of unnamed emotions she experienced around him, being able to feel so…alive somehow, "I'm done letting memories haunt me…the future doesn't stand a fucking chance. And, I could have never done it without you, you've never given up on me. I love you, so _damn_ much." She leaned in, kissing him passionately, conveying the vast magnitude of vehemence her newly acquired internal homeostasis brought to her, for she wasn't used to feeling so…calm.

"I love you too, and I'm so proud of you, Nat. You know, I used to get scared sometimes, realizing that we don't know the reason behind a lot of things that have happened and what if when we'll finally face it, in an attempt to seek that unknown truth, we might realize that…its a lot more than we could take…but I too am done now. I just want to live this time with you, and, when it comes to facing the fire, we'll do it together, whether we'll stand or turn into ash, we'll do it together. What say?" Natasha smiled at him, her green eyes sparkled with the magnificence of the stars being reflected in them, "we will most definitely."

Steve went on, "you've never given up on me either, and for the record, you've been right too, you know? You've stabilized me whenever I shuddered, and you've understood me, way better than I myself have had, all this while…"

 _Steve woke up rather abruptly again, seeing Bucky in his nightmares was something he'd almost gotten accustomed to in the hospital bed, but the sight in front of him surprised him too, pleasantly only though. "…Nat?" He called out weakly._

 _"Hey you," she looked up from her book._

 _"What're you doing here?"_

 _"Reading. And as tempted as I am to ask you the very same question…"_

 _"I couldn't fight him…i just couldn't. I saw a spark in him, Nat. He almost recognized me."_

 _"He got you out of the water too…I understand, Steve and as much as I want to yell and be mad at you for almost getting yourself killed out there, I get it…I just…I was worried."_

 _"I'm sorry for getting you worried. And thanks, for understanding and…being there for me…back then and right now too."_

 _"Says the one who saved my life," she almost rolled her eyes._

 _"You do know we wouldn't have been able to do this if you weren't there, right?"_

 _"You would've managed."_

 _"You're wrong." Natasha could see that he meant it and it touched a raw nerve in her to witness his brutally honest form once again._

 _"You look terrible," she digressed, distracting both herself and him from the look he'd just given her, still, making him chuckle, simply cause it made her feel…lighter in a way._

 _"Does this help," he gave her a weak cheeky grin, making her laugh again effectively._

 _"I can't compete with you, can I?"_

 _"Hah. I wonder why do you even try."_

 _"Okay, so now that we're done with basic etiquettes and, getting past formalities, I'd like to ask you the most absurd question anyone could've asked you here."_

 _He raised his eyebrows, "And that is?"_

 _"How are you feeling, Steve?" She snickered, making him roll his eyes._

 _"I'm okay. Thanks for asking. How are you, though?"_

 _"Currently unemployed. So, what now?"_

 _"You mean whatever are we going to do now that we burnt down our workplace along with our rival companies'? I don't really know…"_

 _"I guess its a good opportunity to seek some answers."_

 _He smiled sadly, "…and some people."_

 _"We're probably gonna miss them. The good ol' shield days…" Natasha could see that he was pretty much lost in deep thought. And she knew rather well why, "it was too sudden, wasn't it? Seeing him like that?"_

 _"I wanted to be glad that he was there…alive, right in front of me, but it was just, so difficult and…overwhelming seeing him like that. I don't think I could possibly give up on the idea that I'll get him back someday, but…it scares me, Nat, thinking what if one day I'll be defeated enough to believe it…that I've lost him, yet again."_

 _"Steve, when it comes to facing the heat, we're driven by our core foundations and, just to remind you, when did you ever last give up?" She paused for a second, not leaving his gaze, "how about never? Cause you can't, Rogers. You and your stubborn ass aren't capable of it."_

 _"Cause I'm Captain America?"_

 _"Nope, cause you're Steve Rogers. Cap may come from you and some of your best traits, but it can't possibly encompass the whole of you…its just this title, this mantle. And as much as he bruised your face…your determination cannot be scarred, not by the entire weight of the world, brainwashed Bucky's metal arm never stood a chance, Steve."_

 _"Thank you, Natasha. I really do mean it."_

 _"Yeah, I'd just prefer you taking a tad bit more care of yourself next time, okay?"_

 _"Alright….um, you don't have to stay here the whole time, you must be tired."_

 _"Are you trying to kick me out?"_

 _"No," he chuckled at her over-exaggerated expression, "I just wanted you to get some rest."_

 _"I can understand the hint in your tone and I don't particularly appreciate it, mister. So unless you want to stay in that bed for a few more days than your injuries require, I suggest you better apologize." Steve chuckled at her first, "I'm serious!" She almost pouted, "You can't just ask me to leave!"_

 _"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Thanks for staying, Natasha. Please don't leave, okay?" Steve said those words so earnestly that it took both of them a moment to understand it's true essence, and all Natasha could say was, "I might have to…for a bit. But I'll come back. I promise."_

 _"I'll wait then. Cause I've already told you that I trust you."_

"…even though you did annoy the shit out of me by setting me up on those dates. Thanks for coming back, Nat."

"Thanks for giving me a reason to. And, one again, I'm definitely not gonna apologize…it was way too entertaining. Also, language, Cap," she teased, making him feign annoyance, but rather quickly melt by her adorableness.

"If someone's writing this trajectory for us and if this is all 'destined'" he smiled, "I hope they're able to succeed in making this a good one."

"Wow, you're flattering god now?"

"Hah, I could try, you know?" He smirked, making her chuckle. Natasha leaned in, giving him a small peck on the lips, after which she nestled cozily into comfortness, her head lay on his shoulder, fitting perfectly, two pieces of a puzzle they were, always planned to be just right next to each other.

* * *

 **A/N : Hey guys, so first of all, I am superrr sorry for taking forever. This past month and a half had been really challenging for me and I just couldn't get myself to write somehow. So finally, I've been able to get this done and I am genuinely happy and a little sad too, cause now its over. I just want to say that it has been an amazing journey writing this. Thank you so much to each and every one of you who reviewed. I've realized just how much I enjoy writing over this span of time and I hope I'll be able to indulge in it more often and be able to share it with you guys. Please review! Thank you so much for reading! Love you!**

 **-S**


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